lyanne batik - the good wife

she must be going bonkers, several times she has urged me to get a job. my, is she blind: blind and stupid, a very potent combination, can't she see that i can hardly write???. she would be better off bringing me to see bankers, where i can try to persuade the bank to give us a loan. the kuantan job has really panicked her, when will she start thinking about going back to chemor, where she belongs among the kampung bumpkins???

my stroke recovery

today's walking exercise went as planned and then when i sat down on my sofa for my break my affected arm arm and leg started to twitch, today's twitching was more often than before, each still lasted only a few seconds but alhamdulillah this went on for around 1 hour. could this be the beginning of better things to come???

lyanne marketing- brother-in-law

i had a very fruitful discussion with my brother-in-law, azlan, re my efforts in trying to get lyanne marketing off the ground. i pray and doa that he will be agreeable as his current position, past experiences and contacts would be a perfect fit to my grand plan. can't help but wonder that perhaps this is the goodness that alah has in store for me, syukur alhamdulillah, i now await anxiously for his decision, ya allah, please help me here.

hari raya haji

yesterday was hari raya haji, our junior annual festival but one with massive significance, so for the first time in two months i had a break from my walking exercise. truth betold, i missed it and today's walking exercise was another booster.hari raya haji commences with a small family breakfast, then i went with the boys to the mosque for the requisite prayers, here, the imam went a bit over board, the khutbah went on for over 1 and a half hour, can't blame him though, the script was written by the state religious body, so his job was just to read it out, easykan. we did not wait back for the korban or slaughter because we have seen it all before, but went home to pick up the ladies and go to visit graves of our elderly. opt out from going to the bukit kiara graveyard, where my father-in-law was buried as by my reckoning it is going to be busy there, it being the premier muslim graveyard in the klang valley. went to the nearby graveyard of my recently departed mother-in-law, first time i am going there and upon sight of her grave , i rejoiced as inshaallah, there is very little chance of me being buried next to her as the adjoining plots are already occupied. one of my greatest fear has subsided, inshaallah, imagine being terrorised by her even after death, no don't, it's frightening.

lyanne batik - the good wife

she is now having the jitters, in the past 3 years that i have observed her managing the batik business, i must salute her for her sense of arti.e. she surely knows what sort of design that would be acceptable and purchased by people, but she is definitely a non-starter in the exploitation of opportunities. her brand of management was just to sit back and expect the opportunities to materialise. perhaps it's good as that way it's less stressful, the downside is that when there is a problem, however slight, there's nothing left in the form of contingency, so it's alright if you are married to or your father is a millionaire. it sounds like the typical kampung malay businessperson, kais pagi makan pagi, it's ok if the kais is enough but most of the time it's not, thus the endless whining and berleter., letihlah!!!. what to do??? one has to lie on the bed that one makes and quietly plan an exit strategy, inshaallah there is always god, so things will not remain static, alter pain, there is relief is god's intonation in the koran, pray that it will be soon.

prestroke- my working life - eniwetok

aspatra group consists of around 100 companies. unfortunately, most were just hobbies for leo and were bleeding money. only later did i find out that's why he took or considered all that bank bumiputra money his. my division, under serply, was one of the very few making money. i must say that don did very easily establish contacts among the movers and shakers in the oil/gas industry and his contacts were ultimately loyal to him, helping out more than necessary. the best deal was the eniwetok deal whereby leo is a shareholder in an oil exploration rig, the first by a malaysian and serply was just in the right place to provide manpower and logistics to the eniwetok operations. it was a very lucrative contracr bearing in mind that the eniwetok at that time had the highest charter rate in malaysia from carigali, at around usd67000/- per day. leo's partner was the famous atwood firm out of houston, usa, a good friend of george bush senior i was told later. that was my first dealings with american businessman, my weren't they brash and their favourite tactic is fishing and the exploitation of it thereafter, that's what henry kissinger was famous for. not exactly my kind of businessman, mind you.

my stroke recovery

at first today i planned to take a break as my whole body was aching badly. nevertheless i proceeded to slog on and alhamdulillah everything went ok except a slight wobbling after the sitting room, i sat down and managed to instantly get up, did my 15 rounds, weeding, etc and back in the room by 11 a.m. most likely i will take a break tomorrow due to the hari raya haji, must go for prayers by 8a.m., another 659 days more , inshaallah

lyanne batik - the good wife

amidst all the bad news in the world financial business, my good wife, puan BS, is getting the jitters and her mind is swirling with numerous options of action to take. i find it utterly stupid and considered her actions as that urge to show that she is responsible, berlakon lagi-lah my reaction to that, which i very carefully concealed within myself, is that if like that don't do business in the first place. a businessman must be able to ride along during good times and cower quietly during bad times. after bad times, surely there will be good times as invoked several times in the koran, so the thing to do is plan on how to ride through the bad time and prepare for the good time that will surely come as morning come after night. the thing is to plan. My opinion is that surely the world trade wouldn't just come crashing to zero, there will still be trading activities ans the best and most prepared will prevail.the billions that the various governments are preparing to dump into the economy will surely have it's trickle effect. the thing is to plan so that when it eventually trickle down to your level, you are ready to cash-in.

my walking exercise

nothing abnormal today, only that i started around5 minutes late, everything went as planned , and i was back in the room early, by 11a.m.,no more twitching on the leg but several on the arm, could it be that dr halili will be proven wrong, inshaallah, the good doctor very quickly and demoralisingly said that i will never regain use of my left hand. he is supposedly a good doctor, am eager to prove him wrong, god is almighty and if he deems that my left hand will heal, it will,it's not for a doctor to give a patient no hope, at the least it is a doctor's duty to provide clear and professional diagnosis,in my opinion, so long as we are alive, there is always hope.

prestroke- my working life

working for leo in the aspatra group was certainly intoxicating, the man himself has some strange quirks eg :-
1. he had around 4 to 5 secretaries in his outer office and rumours abound that each had been his mistress at one time or another or still is. the favourites seem to be audrey and daisy.
2. the man is a prodigious note-taker, everytime you have a meeting with him, he will take notes on this yellow A-4 paper pad which have a carbon copy and one of the secretaries would proceed to file it diligently at the end of each meeting.
3. he arrives and leaves with bodyguards of indian descent, most of the times in his red mercedes and in one of his other numerous vehicles.
4. he has several condos in wisma stephens and a bungalow in jalan pinang for his private trysts and secret meetings. we , of course, had access to themw henever they are free and of course i had my fair share of rendezvous in them.my favourite being the bungalow in jalan pinang.

5. he has his open house on new year day and not any one of the religious festival days.
6. there were many other instances and i will record them later whenever memory serves me.
6. the most memorable moment in working for him was when we were once in singapore's orchard road and passed a building and he nonchalantly said to me that he is going to buy that building, sure enough, next i heard , he had already bought it.

i reported to an ancient british relic who tries very hard to pass-off as a gentleman, don mclellan. he was a nice man although outdated, had a young chinese wife and whose ex-wife was maria musa's best friend, tun musa hitam ex-wife

fatefully, he was the one who introduced me to the lake club,scene of my destruction over a period of more than 20 years.

my stroke recovery

today, i started the walking theraphy 5 mins early, everything went smoothly, in fact i pressed down on my foot as hard as possible and walked as fast as is permissible, so much so that by now, 3p.m. my left hip is still badly aching, then i had a very busy morning, going to the pasar borong to purchase the 13 plastic containers to start the indigo cake production, each of the 13 by a variant of either medium, time or catalyst. then adnan came around at 12.30 and a fruitful discussion was had. i am encouraged that he is particularly enthusiastic about my proposal to tackle the question of traffic to our place, i.e. a batik painting competition anchored with children as the base, something similar to akademi fantasia. i must follow -up on this and not give-up . am extremely looking forward to my session with pak miz this saturday.

prestroke- my working life (3)

en-route back to malaysia, i detoured to cardiff, mainly to tie-up a loose- end, i had dinner with charlotte thomas, my flame in cardiff, mainly the dinner was to say goodbye for the last time, she came in her great black dress that we bought together in cardiff,everything was amicable, things couldn't work between us because of the various social schasm, am i relief when she told me that she had move on, phew!!!. back in malaysia, i was approached by a headhunter, MS, SUPPOSEDLY TO WORK FOR A RICH MAN IN THE OIL AND GAS INDUSTRY, i attended the interview in wisma stephens and for the first time met mr lorrain esme osman(leo), i then submitted my resignation in mmc and joined mr leo, the offer was too good, a salary jump of rm2,ooo/-per month plus a saab turbo car thrown-in plus other perks, travelling, petrol, entertainment and others. jadi-apa nak fikir, i jumped in with both eyes closed and left 2 years later after having tasted the various intoxicants then available in kl to the high-flier businessman, emerged although unscathed but had to carry a baggage for years,i.e. being a guarantor to one of leo's deals, in ccb. man, this leo has loans left,right and center, it was so easy for him, being a priominent banker himself. he finally attained fame in later life as the longest remand prisoner ever in the british legal system and i managed to escape from the jaws of bankruptcy many years later, probably in 1999 if i remember correctly.

prestroke- my working life

i only lasted i month in petronas after which i hastily joined the fledgling malaysia mining corpn(mmc), a company formed to consolidate our tin mining industry that were already malaysianised, with offices in jalan tangsi right opposite bank rakyat's hq. i was now employed as an engineer, yeah no more trainee and also my salary increased by around rm500/-. my job was very very simple. mmc had an agreement with the flour corporation of the usa to enter the oil and gas design engineering business and had employed around 3o draughtsman from various industries, flour sent over a designer, i.e. a glorified draughtsman, and my job was to receive instructions from him and then convey his teachings to the local draughtsman, thats how easy it was. working in mmc hq at that time had several perks, cheap luncheon in mmc's own cafeteria, a corporate american express card and chauffeured mercedes limousine wherever we want to go for meetings, after several months, i was sent to houston to be attached at fluor's office there for the trengganu crude oil terminal project. i went there with siraj, now the ceo of alam flora, we were there for around 3 months. my most memorable experience in houston was attending the OTC at the houston's astrodome, this being my first conference, i was naturally overawed, man many of the participants / visitors came with their own helicopter. other than this there was nothing else memorable, of course i experienced the american penchant for lap dancing, not impressed, better to read a magazine, strangely, for me anyway, i never managed to hookup with any american ladies, something that is true till today.no regrets there, another piece of meat, malaysians are best.

my stroke recovery

my efforts to recover as posted here must sound boring to many compared to the news on the carnage in mumbai, defiance in bangkok, excitement of obama's ruling team , but i am sure it's more interesting that the pitiful outpourings from our royalty who wants their immunity back, if anything this was one of the best legacy of mahathir, the rulers do not deserved any immunity, where have they been, oops, i know, just simply enriching themselves. nevertheless, my walking exercise today went like clockwork, at one stage i felt i could reasonably walk, am even more convinced that most of the deficits was in the mind and of course ALLAH's help is paramount. another 664 days to go, inshaallah, i should now continually remind myself that i can walk, albeit slowly,bit by bit i will reach there, i now look forward to the theraphy with pak miz , which is also a major contributing factor in my improvement, alhamdulillah

pre-stroke - higher education (7)

i very quickly settled in cardiff, amid size old city, where the university nestles itself in various part of the city, one faculty was right up in the high street and the medical faculty was quite far-off. the engineering faculty, mercifully was along newport road, a mere 15 minutes walk from my room in northcote st. centre of activity was at the students union building with it's own cafeteria, bar, pool room, bookshop and other amenities. this became the focal point for me and my group of misfits.my professor was professor markland, a kind gentleman who was very approachable and there was one other lecturer named mr bates, so naturally we addressed him as Master Bates.professor markland's most memorable words, one that i can still vividly remember till today was, now hear this all you foreign students you are not going to invent anything new,so i am only going to ensure you grasp the english language and master a bit if law, as when you go back you are most likely going to end up as a manager somewhere. true to his word, he made the the engineering subjects he lectured easy to grasp and pass in exam time.i had another malaysian in my mechanical engineering and energy studies course, my erstwhile housemate in grimsby and also now in northcote st., suhaimi from temerloh, pahang. so suhaimi being the studious type became my source of lecture notes, he took them down and i just copied it from him later in the evening. similarly with practicals, he was the one who did everything, i just copied them off him.didn't do badly at all, mind you, i ended with an honours degree, third class though., but i am getting ahead of myself now, the graduation would be another four years away within which time many things and episodes had to be experienced, enjoyed and surmounted.

my stroke recovery

today, i was ten minutes late for my morning exercises, but i just plunged on and alhamdulillah, nothing went awry, everything was the same as yesterday, the only thing missing was that up to now, almost 12noon in the day, there was no tingling , except for some minor tremors in the arm, so what triggered it yesterday?, and how do i tailor my exercises in order to feel that tingling sensation in my legs and arm like yesterday, just maybe, allah in his way withheld back the tingling today to ensure that i didn't get carried away in my recovery euphoria. i am confident it will happen again, so it's left to me to wonder and ponder, mainly i cannot forget the lessons that i went through, primarily patience in any endeavours. allahuakbar!!!.

lyanne naturals, indigo, industrial revolution

britain's victorian era prided itdself on the industrial revolution, something it claimed ushered in the era of industrialisation and the beginning of the concept of the factory, for colours, the industrial revolution heavily relied on india's production of the indigo dye, specifically for the colour blue.when the indians awaken to the call of independence, indigo farmers and dependents were the first to face the wrath of the british resulting in the decimation of the indian indigo industry in the early part of the twentieth century. then one smart german discovered a way to make synthetic indigo and the natural indigo industry is only now starting to make a comeback on the back ofthe harmful after effects of the synthetic indigo industry, specifically it's carcigenic nature. now india is a world leader in the indigo natural dye industry, could we, here in malaysia, herald a new beginning in the cultivation and use of indigo, inshaallah, with god as our guiding principle , we should be able to make headway, most importantly, has the government the will to back us up, this is the dubious factor, indigo cultivation and use wouldnm't sum up into the billions, thus kickbacks , if any, would be infinitesimal,nevertheless, we believe in this endeavours especially it's many faceted benefits to malaysia and its population. so inshaallah, we shall presevere headlong into our mission.

KHALIS -chess nut competing again

today, my chessnut, khalis is out there in klang in another chess competition. preliminary reports from the wife is that he had lost a few early games and won one. unsurprisingly!!!, he is too fast in making his moves, i couldn't help but wonder whether he inherited that from me, now, how do i teach him the virtues of patience, a lesson i learned in my affliction. i have told him to count to ten before making his move and also to recite the surah al-ikhlas continuosly, but he seemed unable to digest it and just brushed it off, maybe the words of my eldest son, iskandar, were very true and accurate, i.e. best for him to enter more competition and hopefully the constant loss would perhaps sink-in that the chessnut is not superboy. funny isn't it, that the principle of more failures would be an invaluable experience and asset in our pursuit of glory and honours. it's true , one only has to look at america where endeavours are encouraged and failures are not looked down upon, perhaps this should be the guiding principle of the new pakatan government, after all the DAP AND PAS has had numerous trials before it climaxed in the mar8 recent victory.

my stroke recovery

today, 3oth nov.2008, marked the first time that i was able to continuously carry out my walking exercise routine over a period of one month without fail. so i ramped up the walking to 8 rounds, working up a good sweat before i proceeded to do the weeding theraphy and then rest. after a one and a half hour rest, my affected leg started to twitch just below the knee and it went on for a few minutes. it felt good, was it the sauna or the massage or the gamat concoction that i just started taking or was it the extra distance walked today?. whatever it is, i would attribute it to another sign of recovery and best of all as i was lying on the bed later waiting for the zohor prayers, my affected arm started to twitch. things are going in the right direction, so this theraphy with pak miz must be diligently followed and the walking must continue as planned until 30th. sept 2010, inshaallah, i should recover my walking ability one day soon. alhamdulillah, allahuakbar.

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

the ampang hospital project must be when the end of my contracting life starts to fester. securing this multimillion ringgit contract was the easiest piece of business development, i.e. the job came looking for me, i did not have to suckup to anybody or take anyone out to the karaoke, to the golf club or overseas. it just came and landed on my lap, perhaps due to the early groundwork of dr norzan, jang, my erstwhile buddy from cardiff days, of whom i had been courting for a while, to cash in on his jkr network. after a while, horror of horrors, what do i know about building a hospital.that's when i took the most ill-fated of decision, to bring in my wife's cousin,iqbal, as a partner, on the basis that he had some knowledge of building construction, some mind you. things were initially going ok until we received our first payment from jkr. that's when the hidden hand behind abrar, our main contractor, descended unto k.l. and demanded a piece of the action. one party, led by ajmal, a british-based pakistani lawyer, whom i had previously had dinner in london with,wanted some of the proceeds, another party fronted by an arab usinessman demanded to know how we could be appointed the main sub-contractor by dr wan hasni of abrar.then the inside story surfaced, that abrar although nominally belonging to dr wan hasni, was actually riding on money from some sort of desert-sheikh which i understand runs to the tune of hundreds of millions, dr wan hasni, being of course one of DSAI's crony fronted this organisation, which i now believed is one of DSAI's creation. nevertheless, the Extortionist iqbal convinced me to split the proceeds from jkr amounting to almost 11 million Among us,i.e. myself, iqbal and dr norzan. how on earth did i easily succumb to this scheme, never for a moment did it occur to me to stop and ponder on the fact that the work we had performed up to that date never amounted to the 11 million figure,perhaps 1 million at most. i have never done this sort of thing before and thus the greed for money clouded my judgement, this money was not ours!!!! that i strongly believe was when the trials and tribulations that i am still currently undergoing begins. ya allah, i beg your forgiveness
shamefacedly , in a meeting with the board of abrar, the erstwhile exrortionist iqbal, showed his true colours, ya allah, he was abusive beyond belief. i have never before seen this monstrous side of his character and i was totally shocked into silence. some prefer to condone this type of behaviour in the name of corporate savvy, that'smahathirism for you.

pre-stroke - higher education - dakwah

whilst jang, mat kent and duan became my good friends, there was another big group of malaysian students whom i became alienated with. these were the practitioners of extreme islamic fundamentalism - the dakwah group. my group and these group were always at odds, mainly, they dress strangely, with turbans, beards and pakistani or afghan-like clothes. they were a tight-knit group and it seems that most were either already married or have partners similarly attired. whilst we were mostly in northcote st. they were mostly cossetted in other more remote areas of cardiff. so long as they keep to themselves everything was fine but once they start to intrude into my privacy, i.e. unexpectedly dropping around early in the morning and then proceeded to lecture us, relationships then turn cooler. whilst we acknowledge each other's existence , inter-mingling or social interaction ceased. it's like they were from a different planet.three years running i came up against their candidate for the election as the president of the cardiff area malaysian students(CAMSA), and each time i came up on top, but i would like to think that i was a fair leader as i never ever treated them any less, after winning each election. some of these students , i am sure are now in the higher echelons of malaysian society, just like some from my more liberal group. however, considering events in the last 3o years, since the iranian revolution and events in afghanistan, i couldn't stop wondering as to how many of them were also caught in the fundamentalist euphoria and perhaps have uprooted to either iran or afghanistan. the strange thing was that almost all these dakwah types were people like me, students from rural areas or small towns who did well in their form5 m.c.e. exams, and were then caught in the then n.e.p net of malay empowermentin the beginning of the nineteen seventies. in umno's grand plan, we were supposed to be educated and then return home to serve the umno masters, all in the name of n.e.p.i am quite sure the umno strategist never took into consideration the advent of islamic fundamentalism. my gripe here is that yeah these dakwah people were strange but at the same time most were just innocent kids swayed by the human instinct of hunting in packs. and were victims of umno's social engineering of the seventies and eighties

my stroke recovery

today my right hand seems to have healed after the sprain previously, so i couldn't help but dip my hand to pluck out the lallang weeds. it was okay, the fresh lallang shoots was easy to dislodge and the pain in my hand was infinitesimal. what a word-lah.., so weeding is back in favour from tomorow, we will be weeding happily along, dear weeds, watch out.

lyanne naturals - a beginning.

myself and my two boys, chestnut and ikhwan have just returned home after our friday prayers, oh god, it's been a good day so far, my morning exercise went well, no wobbling and no falls, had a good roti canai and teh limau breakfast with adnan, my new found friend and probable business colleague, conversations over breakfast was good, then we came back home and the icing on the cake for today, an excellent meeting was held on our dining table with regards to the future direction of our indigo natural dye business. nan is excited and he excellently handled the meeting resulting in our resolutions to come up with 12 samples of indigo paste by 6th.dec. and then che kam and fitri handayani will go to bali sometime soon to learn more about the various facets of the indigo business. in the meantime, nan should be working on the comprehensive proposal to raise funding for the natural dye business. great!!!. this is what i have been looking for, something to keep my mind busy and occupied, inshaallah, this would be the last piece in the jigsaw towards my physical and financial rehabilitation. the business prospects are good, the time frame is more than adequate and everyone involved seems to be committed, surprise, surprise including puan kamaliah, ya allah, kami mohon restu mu bagi menjayakan usaha kami ini. should be interesting and exciting times in the very near future.we will embatrk on this business and call it lyanne naturals. sounds good isn't it.yes today is the beginning of lyanne naturals, the dawn of a new glorious era, inshaallah.

pre-stroke - higher education

when i reached ostend, i was completely broke and did not have any money for the ferry fare back to dover. i then took the only option left to me i.e. to beg, so i just sat down at the ticketing office entrance and extended my hand,pleading for assistance, thankfully, within a short while, i had enough to purchase the ferry ticket, around 2o pounds i think,and soon enough i was on the ferry back to olde england. in london , i managed to contact ismail fatah, who had made the university application on my behalf, i thaught him how to forge my signature!!! he told me that i would be going with him to university college cardiff. ok-lah, at least i would now be going to a university, i then took a hike from tengku malek, an ex-rmc colleague who was heading to the united world college in wales, where he was studying. so i reached cardiff in one piece and straight away shoot for the university's student union building where all registration were being conducted. my first impression of cardiff, one which still sticks with me today, were three bobbing arumugam alleycats-like hair. they belong to three other malaysian students also registering, jang, mat kent and duan, all very hip, liberal minded and fun guys, who were to be among my best friends in my six years in cardiff, so began my university life.one which was fun and interesting and a belief in life that was to mould my character in later life for good or bad

my stroke recovery

alhamdulillah, today i went to see a new therapist, all arranged by my sister jamaliah, bless her. the man is pak miz, a traditional healer, the procedure involves firstly a herbal steam bath for about half an hour, then followed by massage, which was very painful, for about an hour. of course there was no quick cure, this will involve several visits ,perhaps over a year. nevertheless, i felt good after the treatment and my sister told me that one of her friend recovered after treatment by pak miz, so there is hope, as long as there is hope i will keep trying and let god determine my fate as is his right, inshaallah, only time will tell, meanwhile i will continue with my efforts and routine for the next 669 days. ya allah, help me.

pre-stroke - higher education

from ostend, i took a train to the haque in holland, slept in the park across from the station, then back to the station and took the train to amsterdam, where i then mingled with the crowd at the famous dam and then back to the station and took the next available train which was going to hamburg germany.then to copenhagen also by train where memorably i have a picture of me with the famous copenhagen mermaid, then train again, not sure where to go first but i ended up in bode norway, past the artic circle. after a day of wandering around in bode, nothing much, just too cold, raw seafood and blustering winds, and off on the train again heading south. met a sexy and nice norwegian girl on the train, she was heading to rimini, italy, so i followed her whereby we spent a blissful week in italy. in italy the men stand around the dance floor in the discos with hand on their hips and strutting around hoping to catch one of the northern girls holidaying there, no wonder they say that the malays are like the italians, more bergaya than substance! survived on cheap italian wines and pizza.then back on the train to milan, switzerland, hamburg, helsingor, helsingborg,gothenburg, oslo, trondheim, hell and finally bode where i stayed with astrid for a few days.and then back downwards towards ostend as university was about to start.don't know which university but the plan was to head to malaysia hall inlondon and then see what was in store for me.

my stroke recovery

last night i was all stressedup pondering on the many roadblocks in my efforts to be of value to lyanne batik, everything i try to do is blocked by something or someone. afraid of another stroke, i coerced my brain to relax and proceeded to perform my sunat prayers, wudhu and rawatib then ishak, and then rawatib and taubat followed by zikir, soon i was asleep only to wake up at around 2.40am. at which time i did the tahajjud prayers, wokeup at 6.32a.m., did my suboh and then straight out to do my morning walking exercise, i was apprehensive of what the day will unfurl,syukur alhamdulillah my 45 minute walk was accident free and my walking felt better even though it still took 7 minutes per lap. nevertheless, it feels good, then while sitting on my sofa in the cafe, there was several twitching of my arm. inshaallah allahuakbar, hopefully i am on target.is this the beginning???

pre-stroke - higher education

soon enough, we ascended into our second year in grimsby and the most anticipated event was the arrival of a new batch of malaysian students, which duly materialised before the term starts. there was some males and as anticipatwd some girls, but none that tickles my fancy. since there were now more than ten of us malaysians, we proceeded with plans to get organised. i can't exactly remember till today what we did organise, perhaps nothing more than several makan get-togethers,
just like life in malaysia. then there was the looming "a" levels exam, so it's time to knuckle down and get to do the serious stuff. after the exams, i proceeded to work in a biscuits factory, to earn extra money. my plan was to hitchhike in europe. with a borrowed bicycle, i went daily to join the british working class. several weeks of work was enough for me and with around 100 pounds of money i then went to london by train, took a train first, then ferry from dover to ostend in belgium, my god what an exhilirating moment, here is a kampung boy, from kamping melayu kluang, standing at the railway station amidst all these strange people, they could be belgians, french, dutch, germans, british,. russians,italians, etc. just normal ordinary people, nothing much to distiguish one from the other until perhaps they open their mouth to speak or the odd mini flag sewn into the haversack or stickers plastered onto their baggages. what a world!!!!!.

my stroke recovery

alhamdulillah, today was another good day in my walking exercises, approach to the gate was achieved without any wobbling although apprehensive, and of the 5 daily laps, 4 were achieved in 6 minutes, a 1 minute improvement on the normal 7 minutes. i guess, inshaallah, with gods permission, the next target is either a 5 minutes lap continuously or a hands free walk throughout 1 lap.after almost 3 and a half years of disability, time and again it has been brought to my attention that most of the deficit is in the mind, how powerful the brain is, an unseen territory (benda ghaib), thats gods territory.for you all out there, please continue to pray for my recovery, inshaallah god will provide

my stroke recovery

todays walking exercise was almost perfect, no tumbling, wobbling or hesitation, a perfect 45 minutes workout. not much improvement on the hand anyway, just same numb feeling, no weedings today and for the next week as my right hand is still painfully aching, not much progress workwise, where is everybody???, the wife's excuse is that she had to attend the matrade show, (hey you that was last week) and that her mother just passed away. how long do you need to mourn those gone??? they are gone anyway, prolong mourning will not bring them back, life must carry on and all over the world people die every day, it's nothing unusual. anyway, isn't it a blessing for her??? no more suffering and no more worries about worldly issues, no more bills to be paid, no income tax chasing you, we should be happy for her.
)

pulaumeranti- developments

at long last, the pakatan selangor state government has appointed a ketua kampung here, not to replace the old one, as the old one was a federal appointment. two things are worth noting here i.e.:-
1. it took the pakatan government 8 months just to appoint ketua kampung, doesn't bode well for all the other numerous things they need to do.
2. the federal bn government is all out to thwart any efforts by the state pakatan government.
it makes you wonder what the future holds, it will definitely seems like a slow boat to china, nothing much will get done and yet slowly visible over the horizon is the looming threat of the world financial crisis. well, folks, buckle on your seat belt and hang on tight for the rough ride that's coming. what does one do???. first thing is go back to basics, cut out all unnecessary things, no more regular outings for dinner,no more vacations, delay bills payment, use diesel instead of petrol cars, let other parties call you, you don't make calls, just sms, eat more vegetables, cut out all meat, fish and seafood, become a nun or priest.

pre-stroke - higher education

i was in grimsby college of technology to do my A levels. the college is equivalent to our polytechnic here in malaysia, i.e. a place where those whose m.c.e results or "O" level in the uk, are not quite up to the mark, i.e. an apprentice college, thus there were few english students, there was only 2, doing the course with us plus another 4 iranians.the top student would alternate between jamal and abang hatta, the sarawakians. we live in the upper level of a doctor's surgery, mrdawson, mrs dawson reminds me of the wife in the television series,the partridge family, you know the one with david cassidy in the lead. mrs dawson was a kind and perhaps naive lady, one day she visited us upstairs and asked us"is it against your religion to change the bedsheets, we all, of course, nodded our head in answer, more keen that she get out of our upstairs flat soonest possible. how naive. we hardly saw dr dawson, perhaps because everytime he is in the surgery, we were out attending classes, so all dealing was with mrs dawson. around 100metres from our flat was a building bearing the sign mecca, with bright lights.
being a curious sort of person, one night i ventured boldly into the place, it's a disco!!!, where-in i then fatefully met jackie, with whom i broke my duck, if you know what i mean. it was a shortlived relationship, never had a chance to flourish thank god. she is probably by now , a fat old woman with greasy hair and cellulite thighs and massive sagging boobs. what an escape!!!
so we pretty soon settled into a routine of attending lectures, playing football in the nearby public park where dog poop abound, grocery shopping in grantham, a nearby town, where halal ingredients could be found, staying indoors at night studying, with me as the odd one, bold enough to venture out to the delights of the pub and discos.
the weather and the english idiosyncracies must be the most significant difference compared to malayia.there wasn't any time to ponder or whine,so we were preoccupied with making the best of what we had. mind you it wasn't bad it was a marvelous adventure and experience. our maths lecturer, mr sim, an ardent PLO sympathiser, made our stay interesting and soon enough he became our best english friend. so much so that in the second year of our stay in grimsby, i lodged in his house by the sea together with his wonderful wife and 2 young children. there was another lodger, a palestinian student, who was always with one sort of english girl or another, i never saw him studying. wonder what happened to him, if probably he is in one of those israeli prison camp.every time that the bus we rode on to lectures hit a bump, he would groan, when asked why he told me that when the bus hit the bump it induce an erection in him. what a loony!!!, i was envious of him though as some of the girls he brought back were quite good-looking and sexy

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

by 1998, life was good, we moved to a bungalow house in section 5 p.j.and there was now 5 children money was just flowing in, i had exceeded my target of making rm1 million, my lake club routine is deeply embedded in the unconscious part of my brain and the patronage of karaoke outlets with my friends zul and nonad were increasing in frequency.i just continued in this mode in 1998 and the early part of 1999. my routine was work, lake club, karaoke nightclubs and golfing. not a moment was my thought focused on other issues, ptrimarily about god and islam. family was also given minimal time.never for a moment did it occurred to me that there was a deadly timebomb on the road in my life's journey. it was just work, enjoy, make money, i was intoxicated with all the excesses that money provide then came july 1999when we landed our biggest ever contract, a rm440million contract to build the ampang hospital.more about this in future

lyanne batik - lost opportunituies???

2008 is almost over and to some extent there is some improvements , sales this yesr should be almost rm 1 million and quite a number of new clients have been added to our register. 2008 has been marked by an increase in travelling by my wife to attend conferences and trade shows, jakarta, london, bali and before the end of the year, dubai. all this glamour is getting to her and sometimes she seems to be literally floating, good for her. but the question is that HAS ALL THIS TRAVELLING SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASE THE SALES???. UNFORTUNATELY NO, SHE SEEMS UNABLE TO UNDERTAKE THE FOLLOW-UP ROUTINE REQUIRED AFTER MEETING A NEW CONTACT OR PERHAPS THE CONTACTS MADE WERE NOT THE RIGHT TYPES. THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IMPACT MUST BE HER RELATIONSHIP WITH OFFICERS OF KEKWA WHICH HAS NOW REACHED A NEW LEVEL, THATS VERY GOOD, WHAT WE WANT TO ESTABLISH IS THAT WHEN KEKWA THINKS ABOUT BATIK, THEY WILL PUT US AT THE TOP OF THE PILE.

my stroke recovery (weeding)

weeding , getting rid of all the weeds and lallang in my garden is very therapeutic, the time just passes away and when at the end of each session i surveyed my handiwork,i feel so satisfied, it's the satisfaction of achieving something worthwhile, a job done. i need more of this. unfortunately, my fingers are now full of blisters and there must be a damaged nerve somewhere as my fingers and the palm of the hand are throbbing and aching, it's so painful sometime at 3 a.m. in the morning that my suboh routine is somewhat adversely affected, but i must continue this as i feel good about the weeding routine, my mental make-up has now considerably improved

ikhwan, my third son, a miracle!!!

in the second year of my stroke ikhwan was in form5 and facing his spm exam at the end of the year2007. prior to that he again went through one of those phases where he refused to attend school, so for the year 2007 he did not attend school at all, and despite intonations by me, his mother and grandmother and would you believe it his headmaster's pleadings, he steadfastly refused to attend school and kept himself locked in his room, meals were passed to him by the servant through the window. one day my brother, dr khalil, came and i asked him to help, which he did by proceeding to break down ikhwan's room door. as we were all at wits end, ikhwan was totally non-plussed and then proceeded to attend his spm exam at the years-end. we breathed a sigh of relief because there was a real fear of him being denied attendance to the exam.
but dear readers, lo and behold when the results came out early this year he passed not exactly with flying colours but just enough for it to be credible.
very soon after we were surprised when he was offered a place in tpm college. now, where is this godforsaken college, none of us know where it is and never knew it existed.
so with his mother, we all trotted to tpm college, which turns out to be a mere 3o minutes drive from our home. having arrived there, my first impression was very favourable and then the icing on the cake, we were advised by the councillors that MARA scholarships are a given subject to satisfactory comformance to the gpa standards. oh, what a relief, near the house, modern facilities and scholarship to boot and two years study at ponoma college in california. what more an one ask for.
malibu beach watch out, here we come, in 2010 anyway.so, ikhwan joined the college and everything was bright and sunshine. what a turnaround!!!!!the icing on the cake was yet to come. in the second half of this year ikhwan turned into the most reliable and dependable of my children, driving me to places i wanted to go. driving on errands on behalf of his mother, sometimes cooking dinner for us and then best of all, being an absolute angel to his dying grandmother- turning into her confidante and supplementary nurse. this was what allah bestowed on us, syukur alhamdulillah. AND the final act and most recent was that he alone and on his own initiative proceeded to visit his dead grandmother where he reported that the grave plot has a magnificient view of the horizon. now this must be the clincher, none of her children has visited her again, but my dear angelikhwan went there. ALHAMDULILLAH

pre-stroke my growing-up years - TAhlil/kenduri doa dselamat

the last 2 nughts i have been preoccupied with the kenduri doa selamat for my late mother-in-law as was customarily required among the malay and muslim community. attending these rituals bring back a whole lot of memories of my youth specifically relating to kenduri doa selamat. why is it so boring???. this particular ritual was probably what led me to disasociate myself from islamic rituals later in my life, i.e between the time of leaving home and the occasion of my stroke. why can't the whole process be procedurally revamped to make it more meaningful and alive, why has it to be sombre and boringly dead. perhaps one of the thing that can be done is that the doa after the yassin be presented in bm then we can understand and follow the meaning of our supplications. why can't we have rituals that are upbeat like the negroes in new orleans, i am sure we all want the best for the deceased and would be willing to sacrifice time and effort but by being boring it just drives you off, there must be a more interesting and meaningful way, ya allah

KHALIS - chess nut hits jackpot

how proud i am that my chess nut hit the jackpot by returning 5a's in his UPSR. this kid is going to go far, i do hope he will continue to pursue his initial interest in the legal profession. in the meantime he now has this burning desire to enter into a residential school.godspeed kiddo, watch out for the inevitable bumps. they will as sure be in your way as the morning follows the night

family- mother in-law

well frank did sang that the end was near. for my mother-outlaw, the end came today and by god how fast it was, after all the suffering she endured, death at around 8.30a.m. and buried by around 4 p.m. thats it, she is now facing her maker or as jimmy saville said, "just like thatttttttt.
just like her long deceased first husband, i was again on the spot and made all the funeral arrangements, thankfully in this kampung everything is organised via the ever-dependable hj sidek.within minutes of being forewarned, he came and all arrangements were set. typically, there were voices of discontent and absolute horror of horrors at the cost of rm2,000/- for all the arrangements and efforts, man, i was mad but will stop here in this mode as it's all over, why fret over it.
but i tell you, this lady meant a lot to quite a lot of people, the pre-funeral turnup was the largest congregation of relatives, friends and acquaintances that have ever assembled in my place, there were numerous relatives i haven't seen in ages. there is something important to ponder on here, why does it takes death for this to happen,why weren't they here when she was daily struggling to hang on to dear life, especially in her loneliness as a consequence of an AWOL husband, thats when she needed all the attention and company of all these people, not now when shes already gone and not able to bask in all the attention and the goodwill generated.
she could however take comfort that so many people sent her off and that the next generation of her offspring are about to embark in the defining years of their life and there will be lawyers, doctors, it professionals to carry the torch next.

yeah, why has she turned into a bitchy woman,you know who i mean-lah, these kampung folks are trying their best and of course they have their idiosyncracies but never, never were they out to try and cheat you. like all other bereavement, which are normally associated with last minute arrangements, by virtue of it being a bereavement, there will obviously be shortcomings, and can only be curtailed if you have an AGM upon the event coming to reality.how petty and low can one stoop down always amazes me, man, is there a technical specification or some sort of manual to cover proceedings upon death??? if one is the type to find fault, even einstein's theory of relativity can be microscopically denigrated to highlight it's shortcomings, eh, is there any?????now, you tell me so that maybe i can pass it on to these simple country hillbillies to digest. And do not ever fear death, as when it comes you don't have problems anymore, others close to you will have to sort things out. it's their problem. on this comforting thought, good night

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

sometime in 1997, we hit our first jackpot, a water pipeline job of 21 million ringgit value. this ,on top of our now regular gas pipeline jobs from gas malaysia. this job was phenomenal in various ways, firstly the pipe itself is of 2,000mm diameter, that's a huge pipe, a normal 4 x4 can be driven right into it. the route itself was a huge challenge, varying from the busy jalan kuching near the selayang pasar borong to backlanes of taman greenwood in selayang. on top of that, at this time, selangor/ft was facing a water crisis/ shortage, so this 8 km. job was urgent. before we race forward with regards to the job, let me say that this project was the most easily swecured, i just had to meet'the broker" once and soon enough the job was ours.what started as a rm20 million job in the end added rm 30 million to our revenue. there were many first, foremost of which was that at one time, we had 6 sheetpile driver working along jalan kuching, this was necessary as both sides of the trench had to be supported by sheet piles to avoid collapse of the road, each working morning our work caused massive traffic jams. a lot of money was made but a lot was also paid out to various consultants/ brokers.

family- mother out-law

what the hell?, holy of holies!!!, she is still hanging-on. but in a very bad shape, if before, she is the most kaypochee person, now she could hardly get out of bed,kesian?growing old is such a pain. how lucky was my father and father in-law, both died a quick death, some pain and that was it. when it is my turn, i would like to go off liker that, some minimal pain, don't bother anyone and just go off to face allah.

my pet hate people who don't answer their handphone

i find that people who don't answer their handphone as a particularly hated group. can you believe it?, you call and know particularly that they are there somewhere,but yet they did not accept the call. if you call just once, perhaps it's understandable, but when after repeated calls, they still haven't answered.and then worse still they never bothered to return your call. now, we all know that our call is registered as a missed call, so it's there recorded in their handphone. what do we do with this sort of people? the obvious answer is don't have anything to do with them, well easier said than done, there are many people like this, you begin to think thats it is a game with them, like they are saying to you that i am important and too busy. my remedy with these people is to not bother calling next time but to send them a sms, if that fails, i send an e-mail where possible, if that also did not work, i just don't want to have anything to do with them.thank god for choices, so moral of this posting is always have alternatives, never forget

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

after the shah alam phase2 project, there was no stopping us as far as gas malaysia's project was concerned. big or small, the projects just kept coming in. a particular milestone was the kluang project, a subcontract from mmc, particularly memorable because my late father had the privilege of regularly watching and monitoring it,and we were the first contractor in malaysia with a hdd machine, having beaten mersing by almost a month. kluang being where my parents reside at that time, i felt so proud to be able to show to my late father, what i did for a living. another memorable project was the george kent project in shah alam / puchong.this project was almost perfect for me as there was hardly any hiccup, everything went smoothly, alhamdulillah.i atribute it to having andrew, an australian, as my project manager. we clicked right from day one. this was a rare project where everything planned went like clockwork. at the end of it, we have unmistikably stamped our mark, and being technically proficient as far as gas malaysia was concerned, was a no-brainer. in fact after this both petronas and saipem, a major international player in the pipeline business took notice of us, by which way we entered the big league of the 36inch gas pipeline business from kapar to lumut.

blog name change - khalid ramlee

today, i have changed this blog's name to khalid ramlee, primarily because my so-called wife is paranoid that my postings will cause her business to suffer. well, thats typical of her, blame somebody else for all her shortcomings. i have seen this trend repeated in the last few years and am only posting it now pasal dah tak tahan. she is the worst control freak i have ever come across. now that she has failed to deliver on time a job for majlis perbandaran kuantan, she is growing anxious and watch out everybody, me, the maid, azhar, amir, everybody is to be blamed, not herself, the buck never reaches her, sometimes i am inclined to think that let her get into more trouble, then only she would learn her lesson, but the cost of it could be prohibitive, so what to do but just let off my anger here and grin and bear it,THATS ALL FOR TODAY.

my stroke recovery

it has been more than a month now that i have started the routine of seriously walking in from 7 am in the morning, walking outside now i estimated has improved by a margin of around 15%. together with the weeding routine, my mornings are now filled right up to lunchtime. my target to walk is the 30th septermber 2010, another 686 days away, inshaallah. why 30th sept 2010?
well, i find this date significant as the following events should materialise:-
1. my eldest son should be graduating from his medical study, inshaallah.
2. my second son pledges to be self sufficient by this date.
3. ny third son should be on his way to pomona. california, to continue his degree in biotechnology
4. my gaughter should have finished her spm and would then take the next step of entering either college or university
5. our company, lyanne batik sdn bhd should have been in business for five years and should be self sustaining.

so ,30th. september 2010. is an important date for my family. inshaallah, by way of allah's blessings, we all would be there right on target. allahuakbar!!!

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

syukur alhamdulillah, as soon as we finished the gardenia project, we were awarded the ngds shah alam phase2 project, thus continuity was maintained. if the gardenia project sealed our reputation as a serious contractor, the completion of the shah alam phase 2 project hailed our arrival as an innovative contractor, this on the basis that we proposed to lay the pipes in the middle island of the four lane roads.nobody gave us a chance of getting approval from mpsa for this, but we managed to obtain it with the help of haniff the then mpsa engineer, the same haniff who in later years was unfortunately charged in the norita murder case. when he was acquitted, i was happy, because from my dealings with him, he proved to be a decent and nice guy.this second project went quite smoothly, delivered on time and money was made. the only serious incident was that on one particular excavation, the backhoe struck a 132kv tnb cable resulting in much hue and cry by the district tnb engineers who claimed that the particular cable was for electrical supply to the istana. no sweat, everything was smoothed over and we jubilantly received our final complation certificate and the industry started to acknowledge our existence. i guess this project heralded our credentials.

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

the gardenia project provided my first contracting nightmare, our initial failure to lay the pipe across the sunga rasa, a measly- deceiving crossing of just aproximately 20 metres of shallow water body .for 3 months, the subcontractor, glenpoint, gallantly tried to jacked the pipe across, at times even having someone crawled in the pipe to reach the intruding end and proceeded to manually excavate by hand the ground at the pipe's front, and then by building a coffer dam to facilitate the crossing. alas all their efforts were in vain, the only alternative left to us was to engage the british contractor, land and marine, to cross the river by hdd. this was my first introduction to hdd and i proceeded to engage them at a cost of around rm 500,000.00. hdd later in my contracting life, looms large both for good(making money) and bad ( failures to cross) the gardenia project was completed around 4 months behind schedule, but most importantly we didn't abandon the project, so the client was reasonably happy and particularly impressed by our perseverance.

my stroke recovery- weeding

this new routine of weeding has truly captivated me, i flourish in the joy of feeling a job acomplished and could feel that my walking strides are more purposeful. what are the roles of weeds in this world, god must have created lallang for a reason , could someone tell me why????there must be some valid reasons why lallang existed, could there be some unknown factor yet to be unveiled!!!

family - jamaliah, my youngest sister.

there is a saying that one of the blessings of hardship is that you will only then find out who your true friends are and who you can count on. bless her, my youngest sister jamaliah has been a true source of strength and hope for me, she is always there for me together with her very loving husband and now 5 adorable kids. the youngest khatijah is truly captivating, what eyes, my i think she is a classic example of the miracle of gods creation. jamaliah has rendered examplar help and assistance in various ways so much so that her frequent visits are always a joy for me, god bless her, i owe her so much. allah in his way has heaped goodness on her,and none deserve it more, syukur alhamdulillah./ nobody could wish more from a sister. not trying to disparage my 5 other siblings here, not for a moment,they have all been a source of strength in their own way, it's just that jamaliah or maiyah as we affectionately call her has proven to be of the most assistance and her vocation as a lawyer has truly helped to make things easier.may allah confer on her and family the highest of honour.

family- mother out-law

bless her , my mother - outlaw, she's still hanging on although all signs of death's imminence is there for all to see, her face has considerably shrunken, it is a terrible sight, her body seems to be lifeless and nowadays only the occasional muttering emit from her mouth, her stomach is bloated and her appetite is very much reduced. my eldest son also said that her liver is almost non-functional but the worst part must be the fact that he so-called beloved papa has gone awol, how a human being could act like that is beyond me, ya allah, here is your wife on death throes and you have not even been to see her for over 2 years, my god, this is so inhuman, it's more akin to animal behaviour.

my stroke recovery- new routine

today, i have added a new routine to my morning physiotheraphy, i have started a 4 times 30 minute routine of weeding, thats right the act of manually pulling out the lallang and other weeds within the compound of my house.the reason i started was because these weeds were beginning to annoy me and they proliferate worse than rats, they are everywhere and no matter how many time the caretaker mow them down, they were back in no time. i refused to use pesticides due to it's harmful effect on the soil, so i did it manually and have incorporated it in my physiotheraphy routine effective from today. i enjoyed it and the hours passed quickly

pre-stroke- my life as a contractor

sometime in 1993, i was restless and full of desire of wanting to make more money, so i managed to get a company going, ishkam sdn bhd. at that time i did not know what business i was going to do. all i had was seed money of around rm200,000/-, the fruits of my consultancy work for nissho-iwai, through one abdullah ali who is now a high flier and multimillionaire with a company called apex. i then established an office in wisma central. this was supposed to be shared with one big-mouth called ezani. alas he stood me up, the first among many by acquaintances in my contracting life. nevertheless i proceeded on and hired a secretary and within a short time obtained my first contract which is a subcontract from mmc, my previous employer. i subcontract the whole work to transwater and at the end of it pocketed a commission of around rm40,000/-, some of which i had to dispense to the relevant mmc general manager. that was my first outlay in bribes. subsequently abdullah gave me a tender document from gas malaysia, a tender which he was not able to participate, neither was i able to. so he introduced me to some australians who were holed up in the micasa hotel, they were from an outfit called MAJOR CITY GAS. together with them and guided by a previous submission by NKK given to me by mazlan othman, we submitted our proposal to gas malaysia for the GARDENIA NATURAL GAS DISTRIBUTION PROJECT IN SHAH ALAM.With the assistance of siraj, a former colleague in mmc who was then the ceo of gas malaysia, surprise, surprise my what a surprise???, we secured the contract with a price of approximately rm1.3 million ringgit. so began my real contracting life Thats how pigas, formerly ishkam sdn bhd, started as a pipeline contractor,with a never-ending stream of work in the next ten years, with the biggest contract being the ampang hospital project valued at roughly rm 440 million. It all ended disastrously in the year 2001 due to the greed and connivance of one mamak, iqbal feiruz khan, the chief extortionist of the rafeek khan family , now residing somewhere in kg tunku. there are a lot of story to be told and it will be told here, warts and all, in future postings up to 30th. september 2010

pre-stroke - higher education

after the mce results were out, the first offer i got was to to the dartmouth naval college in england.to my regret now, i turned it down and instead took up the offer by mara to pursue my'A' levels at the grimsby college of technology in england. the first thing i did was to search for an atlas,where lo and behold found out that grimsby is somewhere on the northeast of england and it's principal fame is as a fishy town.so,one fine day, we drove to the old subang airport and hesitatingly i boarded the 707 plane for my first ever plane trip. there were six of us going to grimsby, all males,2 from rmc( the other one is ismail fatah), 1 from mckk and 3 sarawakians who spoke a funny language (leng, jamal and hatta) leng is another one with a funny name - leng bin hj jack. it being my first time on a plane, i was at a loss when the food tray was served, and thus nonchalantly peek at my elderly neighbour and proceeded to attack the servings by following his every action. in no time, we reached our stopover destination,teheran pre-ayatollah, wherein i saw my first colour television and i was so engrossed that i miss the re-boarding call. thank god i managed to rush back and board the plane and safely reached london heathrow, where i spent 6 years really, really growing up. i was that close to, in later years, perhaps being an ardent follower of the ayatollah and maybe now residing somewhere in taliban country.my six year stay in england was very memorable and it's account can only be told in future postings as in the six years my life went through a complete metamorphosis

my stroke

the worst part of my stroke is the loneliness and struggle to get through the day,especially on weekends.,thus i had to create events in order to comfortably reach the sanctuary of the evening when sleep comes easily enough

my stroke recovery- (2) year post

as a result of the installation of the parallel bars, i was walking aided by a three-pronged cane on a daily basis. by the time of my second anniversary, i was confident enough to make several tentative steps unaided and spent most early mornings sitting on my sofa at the cafe.my daily prayers also became akin to an automatic ritual. my speech was better and slurrying was minimal, i was also putting on weight and the process of buang air besar(shitting)gradually became easier. so there was progress, but god in his infinite wisdom seems to confer progress in drips. by the end of 2007, i steeled myself and started to singlehandedly(literally)drive my hilux to the warong several times a week for my pre-stroke customary teh tarik and roti canai. this involves driving over a distance of around 2 km. well, thats a great start. very soon, i managed to strikeup several acquaintanceships among the kampung elders. i was also busying myself in trying to assist my wife in the batik basis, and was regularly staying up all night to work on the computer, working on projections, just as it was my practise pre-stroke .

pre-stroke my growing-up years - leaving home

funny enough, ti is the only venue where i ventured out in my life but yet i never managed to strikeup an acquaintanceship with anyone there. neither did i have any recollection of my time there, it is really a miserable place among a bunch of miserable juveniles. luckily for me, my father soon came to visit bearing a letter offering a place in the royal military college. without much ado, i followed my father home to kluang to pack again and proceeded to kuala lumpur by train where several army trucks were waiting to transport us(there were many others) to rmc in sungai besi, to begin a journey that lasted almost 3 years and as a result beginning one of the most impressionable period of my life. i arrived in rmc totally unprepared for the regiment of life,what followed was a total shock ,not unlike several bolts of lightning,notjust one, life as a new boy in rmc has been amply documented elsewhere. as for me the most vivid effect is that i had to learn to very quickly take care of myself,doing my own laundry, shining the shoes until you can see the reflection of your teeth, making up my own bed,etc. and most importantly submit myself to the very intimidating and intensive ragging all through the waking hours.the ragging was for a year and although i cannot say that i came through with flying colours, never for a moment did the thought of quitting ever entered my mind. the worst is that i discovered i don't have much of a stamina for physical exertions.
there are many memories of my stay in rmc and there could be smattering of my recollections in future posting, suffice to say that the regiment there directly or indirectly forced me to grow up very very quickly. i left rmc in the early part of my lower six form,after having accepted an offer by mara to further pursue my studies overseas, which shall be further elucidated in the near future through another heading entitled MY HIGHER EDUCATION.

my stroke recovery- 1 year post

post 1 year of my stroke, i was feeling apprehensive, anxious, lastly afraid. am i going to be like this till i die? suddenly death does not seem to be so bad. so began a series of efforts to find that elusive miracle cure from bomohs to masseurs, magic pill, all too numerous that i travelled from kedah to johor and most unfortunate to jakarta ,exhausting most of my savings.jakarta was a total failure,the only benefit i gained was an insight to the mentality of the innocous indonesian male, it seems that most adult indonesian males fancy themselves blessed with magical powers. how unnerving, no wonder the country is in shambles. question is?, are these also prevalent among malay males, i think it is among he rural malay males, only education has changed the urban malay male towards unfortunately the total pursuit of wealth and then 22 years of mahathirism has infused the notion that anything is justifiable in the pursuit of wealth,so deviously and misleadingly sloganised as " malaysia boleh"
so upon my return from jakarta, it dawned on me , alhamdullillah, that only physiotheraphy exercises and devotion to ALLAH is the only answer. so began the next phase of my efforts in trying to recover, firstly by installing parallel bars along footpaths within the perimeter of buildings at my house and total devotion to the basic tenet of islam, the five times a day sembahyang wajib.

my stroke recovery

when recovery was proving elusive i started to feel panicky, very nervous and apprehensive, so the year 2006 was a constant search forthat elusive cure,culminating in visits from one bomoh to another

pre-stroke my growing-up years - leaving home

up till the age of 15 i blissfully stayed at home, being a good boy in my parent's eyes, concentrate on my studies and the only diversion would be my penchant for football. life was pretty quiet and simple, my parents were always there to ensure i behaved and my father's income was enough for us to lead a very satisfactory life, never going hungry but not one of luxury, family holidays were always simple excursions to mersing to see my grandmother and frolic by the beach, of which mersing is famous for. eating out was never part of the equation, meals at home were adequate, unlike my children now, i never knew about mamak shops, fast food outlets and chinese seafood, the only big occasions for hearty eating were the two hari rayas and the maulud nabi,(pbuh)at the local mosque.i was the quintessential good boy, study, prayers and games of football or badminton in the afternoon, lepak at the supermarket was never in my dictionary, the only occasion when i go out is to the local newsagent to buy beano, dandy or when money permits the shoot magazine, sometimes there was the occasional outing to the local cinema," battle of the bulge" and" to sir with love" were obvious memories.so, when one day i got the letter offering a place in sekolah menengah teknik cheras after my lce(lower certificate of education), my initial reaction was ok, if that makes my parents happy as i was no wiser to the ways of the world at that time. so off i went to cheras for one of the most unmemorable episode in my life, one that lasted barely a couple of months.my father was very proud though as he was very determined that we all had a good education and to him, my first cousin azman was someone i should emulate. by going to the ti(technical institute) ,to him it's just another step to technical college where azman was pursuing his diploma.instead of riding onto the sunset, my father drove us to kl where we then had the difficult task of getting our way to cheras.

family- mother out-law

conversations with mymother outlaw are now very limited and most of the times it goes like this
me assalumualaikum che wan, apa khabar???
mol - uuuuum, uuuuummmm, uuuummmm
me - uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mol - uuuummm, uuuum, uuum, bit, bit bit, june june, june
me - july,july, july, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
this normally continues for a few minutes until one of us depart the encounter area, which is either the tv room or the dining table.

family- mother out-law

within a year of my stroke, my my mother-outlaw was afflicted with a series of minor strokes that renders the onset of dementia. her inherent diabetic condition also appreciably accelerated the festering of cataracts in her eyes making her almost blind. poor woman, at one stage, she was just sliding her body on the tiled floor and at numerous intervals demanding to go up. up to where we don't know as our house is a single storey bungalow. she was incoherent in other ways, always whining and shouting,but this woman had spirit,as evidenced by her continuous effort to move around unaided, these efforts inevitably leads to a number of falls which normally results in bleeding in some part of her head necessitating several visits to the emergency unit of the putrajaya hospital. i positively believe that a lot of her whining were desperate cries for attention and her inherent character of being the supremely ultimate drama queen. notwithstanding, i wouldn't wish dementia on anyone, my god it's so sad, distressing and unnerving. i instructed my second son to shoot me, if ever i descend into such a condition.mind you, i couldn't help but wonder why did old age so incapacitated her,millions of other people also grow old but never deteroriate like her,what great sin had she perpetuated???, in god's realm, the greatest sin is shirik,i.e. placing others on par with god,is there something unknown and unislamic which she had plunged in,like having a jin in her in order to always be radiant and attractive??? this i believe is quite common among royalties who are in decline.. wallahualam

my stroke recovery

at the hospital,the physio guided me to various form of exercise, one of which involves slipping some strait-jacketlike contraption on my affected arm, this whole appendage was then introduced into a machine that looks like a rice harvester.till today i am not sure of it's therapeutical use but i suppose this was a way to get the blood in my affected arm to flow. the whole physiotheraphy setup at the putrajaya hospital was woeful,there was no attempt to explain to me what happened and what they were trying to achieve. upon being back at home, i had my first session with an elderly masseuse, when he massaged my hands the pain was searing and unbearable. i was at this stage still totally ignorant of my predilection and was at the mercy of whatever was arranged by my dear wife. sometime in nov 2005 a friend brought another masseuse, pak lah, to start treating me, he confidently proclaimed that i should be walking after thirty sessions.well, thirty sessions went by very quickly but i was nowhere towards walking, not really,i was by then able to confidently stand-up, which was very good, as the imbalance was atrocious,i feel like falling down all the time. i made a few attempts to walk around but my loss of balance was too severe and debilitating and i was too scared of falling down and injuring my head

my stroke

in the early morning hours of saturday the2nd july 2005, i tried to get out of bed but my continuous digging of my elbow on the bed to prop me up proved futile, that was the last that i could remember. next i awoke in bed in the purajaya hospital and was told that i had a stroke. not knowing anything about stroke prior to that, i remain calm but my body seems to have this urgent need to go for a piss, at which particular moment i discovered that a catheher was painfully attached to my private part, so followed my first pissing experience via a cathether- utterly uncomfortable but not having any other choice, i proceeded to force the discharge. i then remember going through various machines which i later discovered were the mri and cscan ones.very slowly i became aware of my surroundings, my dear wife was there and the constant stream of visitors, relatives and friends. i was discharged after almost a week and still i was in good spirits, continuing to deceive myself that this was just another of one of those things which will soon correct itself. how verywrong i was!!!, for the next 6 months i was bedridden,the stroke having caused me to lose use and control of my left limb, my speech was surly and my ability to throw big water(buang air besar) severely curtailed it was all a total shock to me and my first instinct was to try to recollect the events that leads to these affliction. i remember eating ten nos of durians the day before whilst on my way back from nilai where my second son was studying, then, as is normal i busied myself around the house taking care of the plants together with azhar, my assistantand later on in the evening my usual night out at the royal lake club with nonad, max, steven, rama and others.maybe the mixture of durian and whiskey was the fatal catalyst that triggered something abnormal in my brain

pre-stroke- my childhood years

i was born in the year that tar(tengku abdul rahnman) and his cronies, all happily gallivanting in london under the guise of a wog(wily oriental gentlemen)deeply immersing themselves in the sinful pleasure offered by that bastion of the british empire, wine, women and gambling, although if you belief the local history books, they were there working hard towards the noble cause of fighting for our independence. my earliest recollection was being sarong-strapped around my mother's body, her with one hand clinging precariously to the chromed- steel bar that always ransnakily underneath the roof of a bus,which was courageously chugging along the labis-kluang route , we on another one of those "paying homage" visits to my maternal grandparents in kampung melayu,kluang . the subsequent move to jemaluang, mersing, kahang,gelang patah and kota tinggi and labis again before finally settling down in kluang were of the vaguest recollections to me, after kota tinggi i was packed off to attend the rmc where my growing-up really took-off. all these perennial uprooting ensures that my answers would always be long-winded when asked as to where is my hometown, i would initially rumble on about all these migration before finally ending with kuala lumpur as kl was the town that i had spent the longest time in,in my life, 20 years. after a while especially with someone whose presence bores me, the answer was simply, dunno!

pre-stroke- my working life

it is a fact of life that everywhere one temporarily spend some time, friendships and acquaintances are struck sometimes for life, sometimes very briefly. so it is in petronas that i somehow entered the orbit of one ikhlas abdul rahman. though not very close we struck up a friendship that last for the better part of almost 15years and the last i heard of him was from my brother-in-law in esso who now closely liase with ikhlas as ikhlas has also apparently comeup in the world, being now in some sort of position overseeing petronas jv with esso. also, everywhere one sojourn takes one to, invariably there one would encounter a kindly soul with a somewhat unusual name such as jai bin konik in rmc, so it was for me that i encountered one KADIR LAMBAK in petronas, not entirely privy as to why his father has that unusual name, never dared to ask him why. more on jai in a few months!!!


my stay in petronas was unusually short, a mere 1 month for the following reasons:
a). as a trainee engineer in those early days of petronas, one has to take one's own initiative on what one's duties and responsibilities were, i subsequently learned that the primary duties was zip, nothing just pretend to be busy and absorb as much knowledge as possible. inevitably this led to my daily efforts to be absent from the office and the main trick here is not to let puan minah track you, which was a difficult task as she is one of those kaypochee type if you get my meaning.
one of the basic requirement was to have had been on a stay on an oil platform for six occasions for what the manual classify as familiarisation trips. my first trip was to "tapisc", an oil platform kettle-shaped like all esso's platform. so i took a twin biplane from kl to kerteh, then a nuri chopper to the platform, spent a few days which was so bloody boring that i never again went onboard an oil platform, the general public might think that it's glamorous out there. wrong!!!!. just imagine you are in a kettle with nothing much to do, as the experts there have got no interest to teach you as it could mean them being soon jobless, surrounded by water, no women nothing at all , just endless expense of water to look at and tubs and tubs of ice cream to plunder on. i think i only lasted 3days.
b). on my return to the office there was of course the necessary ritual of writing a report for which reason i had to face puan minah to request for stationeries. believe it or not, just like ripleys yeah, it took her a week.
c)another of our duty was to accompany our sister materials and controls department staff when one of them had to attend what was glamorously referred to as "bid opening" its nothing more than just signing off against your name in an attendance sheet confirming that you have attended the occasion and that everything was above board,i.e. no one was bribed with wine and women to our knowledge. when the full report reached my manager, he remarked "well done". just for attending!! my hamid was an original follower of pak lah tidur as long ago as in 1980.
d) the ultimate and real reason was that mmc offered me a job as an engineer, not trainee and a substantial salary jump of rm 2300/-as compared to rm1,800/- in petronas, all this after just one month of working heh,heh, heh, am i good or were they desperate?? years later i found out that it was the latter (which immediately deflated my ego) in order to fulfill the bumi quota.

prestroke - my working life

the smoking lady deserves a mention here as she was a rarity, a malay woman who gaily smoked without any false pretensions, she remains true to her real life, no acting like some. on top of that she is an engineer and was one of the few first malaysian lady to ever step onto an oil platform. can't remember her name though, something beginning with f, she was milky white and very attractive and personable but che minah told me that she's off- limits, what a shame. i subsequently heard that she was mad mike's nasir lady and he is one fierce character, although when i at last met him, he was the most friendly ex-army colonel that one could ever come across, very unlike those retired british colonels who are the life and soul of the conservative club in some rural hamlet.
the manager, en hamid ibrahim, who subsequently retired as the managing director of petronas gas was also a character, gruff and quick tempered but very personable.
another character was azmy rahman, a throwback to my days in cardiff. rumour has it he was in the bookies every day of his final year in university and then proceeded nonchalantly to secure his honours degree. apparently, this is one hell of a brilliant shortie with an unpredictable and very short fuse.
a section head, aziz nong chik was a very nice man whom i subsequently heard was rhe ex-husband of the infamous rosmah. what a lucky man to be free of such a heavy excess baggage.
another person in the news was azhar, of whom i heard married sudirman's widow. he, apparently, is now somewhere in petronas proper taking care of petronas foray into the art and cultural world.
an rmc collegemate, nazir kassim who is now a svp with ranhill was also there and i heard that yet another collegemate, sofiyan, had just left. here is another character whose many and varied interests was fuel for the gossip mill. in later years he turns out to be a superb marketing executive although quite unreliable in personal relationships.

politics - pak lah

yesterday , i asked someone close to pak lah on what are his retirement plans. after firstly elucidating that someone in that position must have had an iron-clad retirement plan planned!!!!, she then couldn't help but follow it up by saying that he would most probably sleep right through it. my!!! that surprised me especially coming from her, i couldn't help but wonder what sort of exchange had happened between them for her to unhesitatingly blurb out such a retort. poor pak lah, looks like he will go down in history as the bapa tidur!!!!

a good book

i am now engrossed in reading another one of churchill's biography, this time by roy jenkins who himself was a former labour party minister. it is brilliantly written, wish my grasp of the written english language is similarly dazzling. i would say that the english is much better than that penned by martin gilbert. am taking my time reading it as i would regret finishing reading it too fast.to my siblings, please get me more books, preferably biography, history or humour)especially bill bryson)happy reading!!!

pre-stroke , my working life

the department i was in, the production dept. of the e&p division , was situated in the wisma peladang, along jalan bukit bintang,probably on the 8th or 9th floor if my memory serves me right. in that roomful of engineers were several interesting personalities and future high fliers, the prime example being dollah karim who is now the senior vice president of the e&p division and a datuk to boot, dollah is one of the few who held the distinction of having been to MCKK first and then on to rmc, my alma-mata. dollah , alas had another role in my life, having been the organiser of a disco night-out for me and my housemates, wherein i met this wannabe actress who now masquarades as my wife, interestingly, i later found out that she was supposed to be hived off to one of my housemate, who was with petronas gas and with me in grimsby and cardiff. WOW, i could be very happily married to someone else if not because of fate intervening. things could have been much better than now, especially the most promising thought is that i could have had a better and saner mil(mother-in-law).that is a very soothing thought.more on the others in future,especially that particular smoking lady.

pre-stroke , my working life

my first job was with petronas, maybe on the basis of my degree which includes the magic words ENERGY STUDIES", they offered me a position as a trainee engineer with a small desk right at the front of a room full of engineers facing an array of ladies who were not only there to be the supporting clerical staff but also were a rich source of gossips etc.,and thus absolutely necessary to befriend if one wish to have a smooth transition, all ably commandered by a lovely bespectacled lady by the name of minah meon, who lives somewhere in ukay heights, the beverly hills of kuala lumpur, so she quietly confided to me along the corridor one quiet day.mind you this was before the good times when driving to/from ukay heights was a pleasure, and when most of the hills were nice and serene with chirping birds to wake you up as the great lawyer shahul constantly reminded me, and definitely not strangled with traffic as it was in the nineties and the hills were more akin to kojak whose nose was badly dripping(aka regular landslides )culminating with that nasty incident wherein an entire block of apartments was swept away.can't exactly remember what it was called.

my stroke - cause/s ?

after so many days/ hours of reflection and almost daily sitting on my sofa seat in the cafe at our premises, i came to the conclusion that i was zapped by god for my own good. i have led all my adult life without a moment reflection of god(ALLAH), his exhortations and consequent effect in this world that he created and my place in it. please allow me to now now shout at the top of my voice ALHAMDULILLAH, through this affliction, god has indirectly conferred me another chance. god could have easily zapped me so that i would now be six feet in the ground being devoured by maggots to my bare bones, which god could ,in the blink of an eye have inflicted on me. but no god is giving me another chance to correct my errant ways, change my lifestyle,and most importantly get me to prepare myself and stockup on matters that are important when the day of reckoning comes, solat, zikir, zakat, puasa, haj, etc. when you think about it, this is a much greater honour conferred by god to me, much better than the datukships that all the scions of pirates are now dishing out to mostly half-baked pirates wannabe. syukur alhamdulillah., so it wasn't my blood pressure, there was nothing there to worry about, it has stayed at a reasonably comfortable level all the time., it wasn't the jembalang tanah or some totally innocent jins. oh dear me , i could have spared myself all those mandi limau and gurgling down litres and litres of jampied mineral water, the various mri's / cscans, doctors consultation,what a waste!!!! how i wish there is more than just a doa involving stroke and islam. maybe i would write a more detailed BOOK and have it titled A HALAL STROKE ( WHY NOT?, AFTER ALL THERE WILL SOON BE A HALAL SUPERMARKET, HALAL THIS AND HALAL THAT, CARRY ON KJ, JUST LEAVE HALAL STROKE TO ME-LAH)have a good weekend, i will, AT MY BROTHER'S OPEN HOUSE inshaALLAH

pre-stroke-my life

prior to the stroke, i was well on the way in recovering my life after two disasters, each seemingly more devastating than hurricane katrina. firstly, i had regained the upper hand in the fight initiated by my business partner, the ass-hole mamak iqbal. charges against me for which he paid the police rm200,000/-, via the notorious azeez rahim, were dropped without any trial.
secondly, ex-wife decided in her infinite wisdom to come back to me. i suppose that the burden of supporting the entire family of her soulmate was just too heavy a burden, a bunch of layabouts who do not care to lift a finger in order to earn a living. sure enough , the mystique assiociated with kampung living very quickly wore off- there is only so much you can do after all the inshaallah and alhamdulillah, after time you got to get real, somehow face the daily grind of living, poor souls!they were definitely deceived by my ex-wife's acting- you know daughter of a drama queen, pandai berlakun. anyway ,i went back into business with someone who must be the most hardworking soul i have ever come across. only his shortcoming of weakness in the written form has held him back, otherwise , nothing is insurmountable,on the slightest hint of any drawback, he would be off charging to tackle it in any way possible.
in the meantime, i was still happily drinking away at the lake club and indulge in the odd sexual encounter when conditions permit. something which i have practised for more than 20 years. never for a moment did i reflect on my sins, all the time forgetting allah and not giving a moment's notice to allahs exhortions as enshrined in the koran. never for a moment did it occur to me that i will be struck down by stroke,my blood pressure was normal and there was never the slightest hint of diabetes. If anything, i always thought it would have been a heart attack,
the night before the stroke i was as usual out at the lake club with my mates, nonad, max, steven and of course, dato zul. what subsequently happened in the intervening hours.? i have a theory, which you readers have to come back again, if you are curious to know, sorry lah cannot tell everything in one sitting, must stretch it, have a good weekend

my stroke recovery

it had been a most trying, more than three years, for me to undergo the task of trying to recover from my stroke.i am ill-equipped for this task as my life, just like the world in the last thirty years, has been the era of the quick fix,signalled by the advent of the computer era. mankind has evolved a quick fix for almost everything right from the process of giving birth, by way of induced birth or caesarian, right to our burial, no problem, just use natural gas to cremate, one push of the button and it's all over. it seems that we have forgotten and conveniently forget the trials and tribulations of doing something, gone with the wind is the art of patience, which is widely espoused in the koran and one of the most important virtue of being a muslim, kesabaran adalah satengah iman. in stroke recovery there is no quick fix, no pill capsule that you can take to get it over and done with. it's one of the failure of modern medicine.after trying modern and traditional medicinein my futile effort, so far, it's only now that i have am trying to discipline myself in the art of patience, i am convinced that this is the key to my rehabilitation and inshaallah god will guide me to the right path and towards recovery 700 days from today

my stroke

till today, the cause/s of the stroke that afflicted me is still a mystery to the neurologist that i consulted, even after mri's and cscan. uninformed theories abound, it was my smoking,drinking lifestyle and the best of all is that " one of my enemies, there are numerous, did a number on me, some sort of black magic to do with jins, this was the informed diagnosis of several shamans(bomohs)from kedah to johore.how easy was it for these specialists to blame the jins for all ails that affect their clients.in this manner, blame is conveniently shifted to some unseen" bad guys" and hence enhancing the bomohs access to easy money by putting the fear of the unknown into the afflicted party thus leading to repeated consultations/ mandi limau and bottles of mineral water appropriately "jampied." not a bad way to get repeat customers when you think about it.

my own diagnosis, after more than three years of being afflicted? that will be for another day, too tired now., sorry you need to come back again to this blog

stroke rehab / dispensing the wheelchair to exile

in my continued efforts to recover, the wheelchair has been exiled to the dining room since yesterday, walking without it now requires double the effort and my quad muscles are very tensed and in pain, i suppose this is what the dictum " no pain no gain truly means, inshaallah, the benefits will be forthcoming

family

is the institution of the nuclear family overrated?. we dedicate our life to ensure our wife and children have a comfortable life and surely it's not too much to expect from then kindness and love in return especially when one is sick and ill. it has been said again and again that god knows best, yet i am in this rut, is it because when god gave me the opportunity to make good and permanent a split from my other half, i in turn look at it as a calamity. looking back i should have grabbed the opportunity with both hands and created a new life or a new nuclear family. is it too late? what has god in store for me? this disable episode has most certainly jolted me from my stupor. i am eternally grateful to god for giving me this chance to redeem myself in his books,
now i at least have some bekalan to bring with me to the hereafter, is that what this is all about?

pulaumeranti- developments

nothing much here, just that at the one end near the bus factory, more and more land has been sold to the chinese and one can see more factories coming up. land prices has escalated to a million ringgit an acre and five thousand for rental of a three acre plot

lyanne batik- heading where?

next year,2009, would be a crtical year for lyanne batik,it has to make the crucial breakthrough that will determine whether it's a viable business, it would be past 3 years in operation so the lame excuse that it's relatively new cannot be used again and again, there are several clues as to where the breakthrough will come from, question is can lyanne batik exploit the potential such as in the form of casual wear, soft furnishing, indigo or the mass tourist market, i have my reservations re the implementer but am full of hope re the outcome as i desperately need it, moga allah kurniakan kepada kami kejayaan yang kekal ,halal dan berpanjangan.

a good book

john le carre is one of my favourite author, wonder if he has come out with anything new? it was a long time ago that i last went to mph

stroke recovery

the good news was that yesterday i managed to break the 10 minutes barrier when walking hands-free from the cafe to the kilang, this after more than one year of walking exercise. i now have a new training regimen with certain objectives by 31st december 2008, the primary objective being to stimulate the brain. inshaallah semoga allah izinkan

politics / pak lah / anwar / najib

is there anything to look forward herewith that in the foreseeable future one of the above will lead the country for over the next decade?i don't think so, nothing much to look forward here, only consolation is that there will never be another mamak era. of the current political drama, my commisseration is to pak lah. here is a good man in the cesspool of politics where he is in unfamiliar surroundings. i truly believe that he is a kind and gentle soul, albeit a confused one,lacking the killer touch, who has refrained from stooping down to the tactics used by his more unprincipled colleagues.
my heart is pining for tok guru nik aziz to be the next pm. now that is something to look forward to, aint it?

puasa/hari raya

puasa and hari raya has come and gone, back to the daily grind, which for me is the constant effort to keep my mind occupied and put in that extra effort in my physical theraphy. yesterday afternoon i tried going on the treadmill, my what a monstrous effort just to lift my affected leg, try as i might i could only last 1 minutes, how did all those old people in the john hopkins study stayed on for 4o minutes?. the good thing was that i could now fathom how much i had lost because of the stroke, lifting my knee was sooooooo difficult, my affected leg feels like lead it require me to concentrate and literally force my brain to urge my left knee to move, my each step requires a humongous effort. i can feel the benefit i will derive if i can rhythymically lift the knee but how to do it, i conclude that there was no other way but to keep trying and trying, lower my targets, keep going, like when i first walked in front of the showroom, 6 months ago this was painfully slow, but now i just look forward, recite surah al-ikhlaas and move forward, it now takes around 12 minutes for me to walk to and fro, inshaallah this treadmill regimen can be conquered in the same manner, first 1min, then 5 mins, ya allah permudahkan usahaku

stroke recovery / stem cell theraphy

looks like stemcell theraphy would be my best choice but which one? the likeliest is reneuron in the uk, hopefully they can offer one soon, although the likeliest date is 2010. thats not too far away. in the meantime god's grace is my best and only option, physical theraphy can only bring me to a certain level, something need to happen in my brain for recovery and that's god's territory

khalis/upsr

this coming week my youngest, the chess nut khalis, will start his upsr, lately he has been proudly conveying to me his test results, which are always short of the 100 perfect score. if anything it clearly demonstrates his carelessness, this boy is smart but utterly careless and cocky. regretfully he has had to suffer morehardknocks before the carelessness can be chipped away. thats one of life's ironies, i/e. the school of hardknocks

anwar /politics

it just struck me that all these politicians, mahathir, anwar, pak lah, najib etc.. werent these the same dudes running the country fifteen years ago and look where they have brought us? and yet now we still rely on these same clowns to lead us, don't we have any other alternatives?, maybe it's time to let PAS run the show, surely they cannot perform any worse?

puasa/ sembahyang terawih

after a day of puasa, sembahyang terawih is a powerful antidote, although it's tiring, i am beginning to enjoy the nightly sembahyang terawih and feel letdown when i didn't do it last night. it is a substitute for the early morning teh tarik at the warong. sembahyang ishak, terawih and then witir, it makes you feel good at the end of it just wish that allah had gerakkan my heart to practise this before, alas it's not too late, am determined to continue doing it from tonight till the end of ramadan.i of course rely on my good friend from this kamping, sidek, to ferry me to and from the surau where the terawih is only 8 rakaat compared to the 20 at the mosque.the best part is the quran recitation and the salallah handshaking at the end, it makes you feel that you are part of the community, much better than doing the ritual at home on your own.
i have been trying to memorise surah al-ala and whenever it's recited during terawih , i feel a tingle of excitement following the recital, almost cracked it now, moving on to surah addhuha next.

puasa/fasting

all my adult life , i have always previously dreaded the puasa month, a month of which i have consistently failed to observe one of the basic pillars of islam, thankfully i welcomed it this year as i am determined to puasa kerana allah, thankfully i have now managed the first 2 days and now entering the third day with the thoughts of receiving god's good grace in my endeavours to recover from my disability. alhamdulillah, terawih has also been observed , my doa is for god to make it easy for me to fulfill my puasa obligation for the remaining days. ya allah permudahkan puasa ku terawih is an enlightening communal experience, so far the only setback is a continuing back pain that comes and subsides and alternates every 4 or 5 hours. why didnt god imbue in me this joy of puasa and terawih before, why only after i am afflicted?, hopefully it's not too late to make good the neglect of the last 30 years, ya allah , give me the strength to fuilfill my puasa obligation for you. i have to fight any thoughts of not fulfilling this obligation, i must do it this year and all future years, inshaallah. let allah be my guidance and saviour, ya allah.only to you do i turn for salvation

ihsan

ihsan is my second and unlike the others, allah has blessed him with the purest heart, so much so that i have never known him to lie, conversely he encounters difficulty adapting to the real world with all it's twist and turn, every day i wish i could give him a big hug, yesterday he followed me to the terawih prayers ritual and my heart cries out seeing how comfortable he was in god's house. ya allah, kurniakan kebaikan dan kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat untuk anakku ihsan

agood book bill clinton's biography

i am currently devouring the first part of the above by nigel hamilton entitled an american journey, what a story i must confess that bill's tenure as president eludes my attention and not until monica came on the scene did bill clinton received my attention. nigel was complimentary enough to even confer an bill the accolade of the cleverest american president ever! what struck me was how he achieved his dreams of the american presidency by way of sticking to his gameplan upon graduation, something that was totally anathema to me as upon graduation my immediate priority were to find a job and then get married, nothing else was premeditated, nothing like being the ceo of a company or other, i just plunged into the real world and allowed events to unfurl without a moments thought of what i wanted my future to me. on hindsight, which is always easy, i would have wanted to be a politician considering my active involvement in student politics in the uk. this interest died upon attending my first umno meeting in the equatorial hotel in kl wherein all attendees first stood up to sing the umno song. such frivolous ritual going right against the grain in my character. today, the nagging what if question haunts me right to the core, nothing i can do but ponders on the possibility, if given a sec ond chance, of whether i would grab it with both hands, i feel i would and have this burning desire to be of service to my fellow human race specifically the underprivileged. ya allah , kurniakan kembali keupayaan ku untuk menggunakan tangan dan kaki kiruku