puasa/fasting

all my adult life , i have always previously dreaded the puasa month, a month of which i have consistently failed to observe one of the basic pillars of islam, thankfully i welcomed it this year as i am determined to puasa kerana allah, thankfully i have now managed the first 2 days and now entering the third day with the thoughts of receiving god's good grace in my endeavours to recover from my disability. alhamdulillah, terawih has also been observed , my doa is for god to make it easy for me to fulfill my puasa obligation for the remaining days. ya allah permudahkan puasa ku terawih is an enlightening communal experience, so far the only setback is a continuing back pain that comes and subsides and alternates every 4 or 5 hours. why didnt god imbue in me this joy of puasa and terawih before, why only after i am afflicted?, hopefully it's not too late to make good the neglect of the last 30 years, ya allah , give me the strength to fuilfill my puasa obligation for you. i have to fight any thoughts of not fulfilling this obligation, i must do it this year and all future years, inshaallah. let allah be my guidance and saviour, ya allah.only to you do i turn for salvation