back online with strokenet

i stroked in july 2005, registered as a member of strokenet in 2006, then forgot my password and couldn't get past the infernal machine, so gave up and do other things with my newly stroked self. then yesterday i decided to mail to strokenet to get my password and thankfully ms donna straugh promptly replied to my query. so, yes , i guess i am back online in strokenet and what a relief, i felt energised and promptly commented on aussie kens latest posting, aussie ken is my favourite blog in strokenet and most days i would open his blog to view his latest posting, as i can see a lot of similarity between aussie ken and myself in our efforts to recover. so guys and gals , welcome to my blog and do expect me to be an active participant in strokenet, god bless you all.

worms crawling out

now that the news of my intended sale is common knowledge, all the kampung worms are crawling out.

assalamualaikum, inshaallah, alhamdulillah, subhanallah, allahuakbar

in mid 1980, newly returned from mighty cardiff wales with an honours degree to boot, and fancying myself as the proverbial welsh /malay upstart, i was condescending towards all those low-life provincial country bumpkins who endlessly utter any of the above words and diligently avoid them whenever possible.Words uttered which i believe were merely facades of singular backwardness and devoid of transparency. why, it's so easy, somebody ask you to do something and even though you very well know that you can't or won't do it, out comes " inshaallah".so shallow onelah!!!1. why cant they just say NO like they want to!!!!!!. now, 4 years post-stroke , i am wising up to the magnificience of the above words, words extolled in all kitab about islam, words that ensures one remembers ALLAH at all times and remembers that ALLAH is the primemover in everything that happens to us or in our lives.incantations that the malays used so cheaply to explain every act, good or bad. let me elaborate further below , and continually upgrade this post, as i solemnly believe that these wonderful words have been utterly abused by the malay race and is significantly the SINGLE cause of the backwardness or failure of the malays due to its misuse. read further next time and you will follow what i am trying to say. inshaallah.

what the malays forgot was that these words are only effective in gods law if and when you have tried your very best and not just mere words untuk menyedapkan hati!!!!!!!.not to just utter and then set aside

all's well hj sidek - inshaallah

in kampung pulau meranti, hj sidek is our resident kaypochee secretary, he wants to be involved in everything thats going on here and he is a dab hand at ensuring your kenduri or function are well organised and attended to.a perfectly harmless retiree who is very much involved in the school, mosque, jkkk, umno , rela, kubor and whatever others that i am not aware of,put it this way , whatever is the happening in pulau meranti or within it's vicinity, never doubt that hj. sidek will be there, why???, only this morning, he was right there at the scene of a nasty accident involving some lim kok wing students. thats hj sidek, a one-man secretarial outfit and bearer of news, a very useful person to get on your side and to know better. he was the man instrumental in my attending the dr jism theraphy, diligently picking me up every morning at 8a.m., theraphy and then breakfast of teh tarik, roti canai or telur or sometimes thosai.

so, you can imagine my incredulity when on last tuesday morning i got a sms from hj sidek that he doesn't want to have anything to do with my efforts to secure the loan or alternatively sell my property. my initial reaction was that our beneficient ketua kampung,kk, hj muslim had got to him, as you see this kk fancies himself as the warlord in this kampung, and thus have this swagger that anything happening here must go through and of benefit to him.i was despondent for awhile, as dealing and talking with hj didek was less stressful than with the kk.
so you can imagine my mini elation last night when hj sidek sms's me and said that he will pick me up at 8.30 this morning for the theraphy. this morning , after an interrupted theraphy, see there was a power failure, or al-jabbar hadn't paid the bill, not sure which one and not waiting to find out which, there was me and hj sidek adjourning to our latest mamak shop, opening our hearts out. short of crying on the spot, i would imagine that things are now hunky dory between us. of course, only time will tell,in the meanwhile , it seems that kk has gone awol, after the superficially initial enthusiasm, well as the good wife days, good riddance to bad rubbish. lets see whats kk next move in the next couple of weeks, if anything, this supreme umno kk toll collector must be taught a lesson, but thats not for me, i am absolutely certain allah will take care of him.hopefully mercifully.
thats it, looks like hj sidek and me are friends again, aaaaaagh, a happy ending for once, no, not yet, maybe the beginning of a possible happy ending, inshaallah.

time management

whether in a government office full of malay beauracrats or dealing with malay businesspersons or attending a malay kenduri or wedding or some sort of frivolous functions, why is that, the malays seem unable to grasp the simple concept of being on time, or on schedule or whatever. it is ridiculous that some take this as a virtue when we all know that it's one of the essentials of efficiency. so the malays are likened to the italians, biar bodoh tapi bergaya or simply bodoh sombong. is this our heritage??????. who was the first malay who was so popular in not keeping to schedule so much so that an entire race ape him????, or her??//. this is the person responsible for our backwardness, so you arch-nationalist malay historian or anthropologist, please find this person as he/she deserves to be the ultimate malay hero/heroine, in my book anyway. much better than hang tu or hang ni, whichever way you are inclined.

ketua kampung scam

inspite of the governments claim of stimulus package, developing bumiputera businessmen and others, to date we have failed to secure financing to expand our infant business which we believe has tremendous prospect. i do believe that all those various institutions, smidec, sme bank and others are just a convenient means to feather the bed of socalled special intrests groups who are living the good life using the peoples money. so our only other alternative is to sell the land here where we are doing business.

yet again, another firmly entrenched scam seems to be rearing it's head. yesterday morning, i had a call from our ketua kampung saying he has to see me urgently as he has a potential buyer who wants to view our land urgently. i of course agreed, he came soonest and shove a letter for me to sign and say that the buyer is coming at 2p.m. with his lawyer. i of course signed the letter as it's no more than a simple letter authorising him to look for a buyer.a worthless piece of paper if you ask me. So, i waited and waited but no buyer came. called him this morning and he said that the buyer had some other urgent things to attend to. tell you what, i smell a lousy stinking fish here. could all this be a scam???. wallahualam!!!!. so the best thing to do and only thing i can do now is to bereserah kepada ALLAH, i am certain ALLAH WILL PROVIDE FOR US, INSHAALLAH.

pusat kesihatan putrajaya

yesterday, my wife took me to the pusat kesihatan putrajaya to see a dentist to attend to my tooth and tongue problems. thank god, one of her clients, a nurse called kak su worked there, thus within not very long i was ushered in to see a doctor wan" something", a nice doctor. who checked my teeth for not more than ten minutes, and then proceeded to prescribed some medications. these worked as the pain and agony subsided.
my impressions of the pusat is favourable. inspite of the numerous thronging patients, things proceeded well, everybody seems to be attended to, a far cry from situation at the emergency room of the putrajaya hospital, where waiting seems to be the prescribed medicine. at last, i can see where all the money the government poured into healthcare being well put to use for the public's good.my first impressions were that "-

1. the patients were predominantly malays.
2. although the governments pharmacy had been so-called nationalised, the foreign drugmakers must be the one laughing to the bank, as the pharmacy seems to be dishing out medicines like a minimarket
well, all in all a major improvement than what was available before.

lyanne natural batik - pulau meranti

whilst most of the postings in the last few months has been about me, i feel that now is the right time to change name again to encompass everything that i am doing and especially our intention to further develop our little piece of land and the batik buasiness, especially our desire to adopt natural (green)practices in everything that we do. in a nutshell , what we are trying to do are:-

1. develop our batik business by adopting natural dyes, specifically indigo.
2. develop our cafe to serve healthy food and drinks.
3. grow and rear our own food needs by adopting simple natural ways such as aquaphonics and free-range husbandry.
4. adopt green technologies such as solar energy and rainwater harvesting so as to reduce our carbon footprint and stop contributing to the extortionate utility companies, specifically with regards to electricity and water.
5. to grow together with the kampung folks of kampung pulau meranti.

no pain, no gain

whoever coined this saying must be a member of a family or village where there were a lot of people suffering various ailments and then had the privilege of observing family members or neighbour miraculously recovering after undergoing various stages of pain. nevertheless, he or she must be english , as the words are doubtlessly english. sorry-lah malay nationalist, next time maybe,
alhamdulillah, the left side of my tongue, which had remain dormant for 4 years, is currently in pain, there is an excruciating burning sensation which comes and goes., my , the pain, i am almost in tears.only sleep brings a welcome relief. what is happening??? could this be the beginning of the end of my stroke affliction??? could the cure be very slowly immersing itself into the left side of my body????. could the cure begins from the tongue, then travel downwards to my upper limb( hand) and then to my left leg. not entirely true, over the last 1 year, there has been this twitching sensation on the left side of my face which had been itching, which had been attributed to dry skin by my budding doctor son. ya allah, please let it be the oncoming of the cure,my fate is yours, i succumb to your succour, i redha to whatever you have in store for me, allahuakbar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

pouring rain at last

when i was a contractor, pouring rain signifies anguish frustration at the inability to execute the jobs in accordance with schedules. now, after a long continuous scorching hot period, the rain that came a pouring today, is a welcome sight and sound, man, my ponds need water, alhamdilillah to god's gift. let it pour!!!, let it pour!!!.
what a relief to the toiling farmer that a heavy rainpour brings, screw the contractors, it's a dead-end activity anyway. let them all abandon this hateful activity which only brings ravages to mother earth, breeds corruption and greed and untold misery to foreign workers, subcontractors, suppliers. there are other more rewarding ways to lead this life on earth.fellows, follow me to back to nature.

life

i have reason to be ponderous today as 2 things struck right at the epicentre of my being :-

1. are my enemies to be hated???
2. The pursuit of happiness???, efficiency or inefficiency

1. enemies, what is the definition of enemy??. isn't it someone who has caused harm to you??? or is it someone who is to all intent and purpose, out to destroy you???. basing on this assunption then mamak iqbal is my only enemy. my wife and her chemor friends are in a different category. they are not out to destroy me but perhaps they were just god's instruments in reshaping my decadent existence, the drinking, karaoke, gambling.ok, i can forgive the chemor bumpkins but my wife???, shouldn't the relationship be" in health and sickness??/."forgive and forget", yes i can and will forgive but forgetting is not possible, the loss of my company, breakup of the family and my stroke, these are real events that happened to me, not easily forgetten but it is my earnest desire to learn all the lessons and reshape my being, which brings us to the second issue

2. for most of my adult life, the pursuit of efficiency was paramount to my existence, efficiency to secure and execute one contract after another. so much so that time was really the only essential essence. in this pursuit, most of the simple fundamental tenets of life was thrown out and ignored, corruption and bribing was standard practice, instant gratification in the form of alcohol and easy sex was devoured without a second thought.inefficiency was looked down upon and made a mockery of. the malay mentality was despised and shunned. this morning, 2 simple incidents brought back to me the joy of simple things., firstly in the car sending my children to school, it took an eternity for my dear wife to sort out my youngest children's outing to the cinema this afternoon, she patiently go over the motion of booking the tickets much to my chagrin. i said to myself, hold on, why not just give them the bloody money to go and let them sort it out. then it struck me that the simple motion of ensuring the tickets were appropriately secured, would heighten the bond between parent and child. then 2 lovely young ladies came to our facility to undertake their art practical. no strutting about, just straight down to the simple expedient of their batik piece, that done, they proceeded to sit down facing each other and enjoy a very very simple morning snacks of some sort of fast food, no fuss about teh tarik, roti canai or nasi lemak, just happily munching away and talking about things in their life, nothing complicated or tiring about the shenanigans of our politicians. ya allah!!, a simple ritual of munching snacks after a job done. so simple !!!, not about how fast it took, or how many strokes involved or the cost of the whole exercise. inefficient, yes!!!1, yet so simple and simply satisfying. thank you girls, you have shown me the way. allahuakbar???.

lying low

considering all the shenanigans of our govt and it's instruments of terror and unfortunately also the lack of direction and confidence in it's alternative,pkr, its best to just lie low now and think of the hereafter where things should be more promising, inshaallah.

unusual tiredness - good news???

i am still feeling unusually tired and have completely missed sending my children to school in the morning. perplexed by this unusual condition my analysis is that it's all a good sign. i searched my brain but came up with nought, i have not done anything physically exhausting so why???. then i remembered reading somewhere that the brain is the most energy predator of all the body's organ. could it just be that part of my brain that was adversely affected by the stroke is at last waking-up as a result of better bloodflow resulting from the drjism theraphy, could it be??? , ya allah. i espoused this theory to my medical student son over kunch and he concurred that it's possible. so could this be te beginning of the end????, inshaallah, alhamdulillah, only time will tell, allahuakbar!!!

unusually tired, dah tua???

i have been feeling extraordinarily tired the last few days, as freddie mercury says" body aching all over" what could be the cause?, as i haven't been extraordinarily active considering my incapacity. has old age sets in???.death doesn't scare me, but having to lead an old invalided life does scare me, because it's such a pitiful existence, incontinence, memory loss, wearing pampers, teeth falling out, now i feel helpless, there's nobody to accompany me on this journey, my wife already gone into her own fantasy world, perhaps to escape the agony, that has always been her way, escape, run away, never one to face the inevitable, that's my dear wife. i can't!!, there's a lot of unfinished work, especially with regards to ensuring to a certain extent, that all my children have a secure footing to start their adult life.that's my goal and duty, inshaallah, ya allah, please give me the strength.

port dickson day trip

yresterday, i accompanied the boss to port dickson . she was on a sales trip to a school there, inshaallah there should be some good news sometime next week. the most memorable part was a most wonderful fish and chips lunch, the dory fish was absolutely succulent, at the regency resort.

end of another theraphy

the loan of the drjism theraphy machine to me should end today as al-jabbar have asked for it. i would like to continue but the boss, my wife, has refused to pay for it. what to do??? that's the repercussion of handing over to her the family's finances. i only wish to say thank you al-jabbar , especially zuland faiz and nik at the outlet in putra perdana.

tukar lagi

flip-flop was used to describe pak lah policy making but i would think that it's more apt to ascribe it to umno's education policy, ever since after khir johari, every umno education minister has tried to demonstrate their nationalist credential by instituting education policies that has now destroyed our education system, this includes anwar ibrahim and his bahasa baku. i think that umno's education minister each have a printing press. can you imagine the amount of printing required after each policy change???. man, our children are now confused, NO WONDER ,ANY OF OUR GRADUATES HAVE DIFFICULTY FINDING JOBS, WITH A CONSTANTLY CHANgING EDUCATION POLICY, NO WONDER. our education system inherited from the british was eorking well, as it is.

almost a perfect day

today, 8th.july2009 was almost a perfect day till midday anyhow. slept on the drjism mattress till 4 a.m., then sembahyang tahajjud, suboh,read yassin, sent the kids to school, walking exercise around the house, then to the theraphy in putra perdana where at the end of it, i coaxed myself to walk out of the theraphy room towards hj sideks van. alhamdulillah, inspite of a few occasions when my right hand automatically reach for the nearest chair or wall, this feat was achieved, tomorrow, no reaching for the chair/wall would be the target. anyway, then proceeded to have my thosai breakfast with a piece of curried fish, felt great, must be that humongous walking effort or was it che u nik's beautiful smile,how the mind can play games with you. back to the house, walked to the cafe and then back to my room, all unaided.went on the net and then disappointment sets in, no replies to my various overnight mail.sabar, thats the lesson, must adjust to tune my brain to malaysian ways, no problem, i am still alive, alhamdulillah

gathering budak budak cardiff

syukur alhamdulillah, looks like jamil was the right to start the ball rolling in organising a gathering of all my peers who were in cardiff in the mid-80's. inshaallah, they should all gather here on 25th.oct, still a long way off, but no harm in getting it moving early.

unclogging the pipes

a lifetime of junk food, goreng sini, goreng sana,nasi lemak, more than 30 years of smoking, man thats a hell of a lot of clogging of the pipes in my body , and valiant though dr jism's machine is, how long will it take those static current waves to do it's job??? if only there is away to measure the progress, you know just like those blue downloading indicator, so at best now all i can say is that ," at least something positive is going on, those waves working night and day. now it's just like tm internet connections, damn slow, what we need is a faster broadband, inshaallah, a few more months, my target is another 418 days anyway.

little josephines

politicians justify their inaction by pointing out at little napoleons sitting squatly in their chairs twirling their thumbs and blocking every of their initiatives, thus transferring blame for inactivity to the civil service. i beg to differ and would forward herewith that greater damage is inflicted by the little josephines who are now in work in greater numbers. they are stupid, vindictive creatures who were most likely mollycuddled by indulgent parents thus growing up believing in themselves to be little princesses and thus prone to putting up obstacles in the manner of frustrated failed actress/queen wannabees.the caveman was right, women should stay at home where their natural place is.

malaysian rituals - tahlil arwah

my dear youngest sister, the fantastic lawyer jamaliah, organised a tahlil arwah on saturday evening, in memory of those who we fondly love and those whom we briefly knew orcrossed our path . it was a great evening and i was deeply touched by my nephews rendering the doas after the yassin reading. man my youngest sister has got everything right, wonderful husband and great children. the evening was occasioned ny my mothers cooking, especially some simple nasi lemak and ubi kayu with sambal tumis , and my other sister's fried meehoon. just simple food but with great fantastic taste, much to my liking, a great reminder that my mother is a fantastic cook., syukur alhamdulillah

spring in my affected leg

continued over the weekend with the dr jism theraphy 3 to 4 hours in the afternoon and 6 to 7 hours at night. just maybe that today there is a lot more spring in my leg and some tingling under the armpit, however still don't feel stable, the thought of falling is still there, thus still walking with caution. too early to tell, perhaps after 1 month, there will be some significant improvement, inshaallah

child of the NEP

i was a child of the nep,among thousands snatched away from our mother's bosom, from the fringes of malaysia's emerging cities and small towns to the depth of its predominant jungles, we were coaxed to institutions such as mckk,rmc, sekolah menengah sains where the ritual of thought provocation commences, then packaged as a promising goods right after "o"levels, and freighted to various so called dominant nations, england, usa, australia, to be further grounded till a piece of paper is awarded, b.sc. , ba, mba, whatever and returned to be the instruments of progress that our political masters wish to engineer, as they themselves are too lazy and insufficiently suited to perform, pampered then discarded as we get lost in the maelstrom of having a life. never for a moment were we informed that to reach the apex, membership of any of the bn component parties is a must. man, what a letdown, seeing that 50 years later, your schoolchums who stayed behind and climb the political ladder are now running the roost, jeez , the nep, yeah it got me to london, but i could have done without it.

money

early on in my working carrier, money was easily procured, salary and perks, especially benefits in kind, kept increasing from one job to another . then when i went into business from 1993 till the year 2000, man it pours, not just cash but my banker, pubic bank, was easy in their lending. with the slightest of effort, i would easily secure a project or bank funding. not now, i have been trying for almost a year, but still unable to secure not even 1 cents of funding, inspite of the beloved PROJEK RANGSANGAN OF OUR NEW PRIME MINISTER. MY DEAR PM, where are all the rangsangan money???. is it because i am not an UMNO member or not related to an UMNO stalwart??? i am desperate to do business, i have the knowledge, i have the collateral. why is it so difficult for me to secure funding???. ya ALLAH!!!!, what else do i need to do??? i have turned to you,seek your assistance, do my prayers, avoid whatever you beseech, why?????. all i want is to do something, contribute to society, guide my second son and then wait for your calling. money?, i have felt and tasted, it definitely is not the root of all evil, living is easier in this world with money. too much money is definitely a no, no. just enough to lead a meaningful life, cukuplah, dear allah

minute improvements

after 3 nights of dr jism theraphy, each night around 7 hours, there is perhaps a minute 1%improvement in my walking capability. difficult to fathom, but i do feel that my walking efforts are slightly easier. could it be a placebo effect or could it be that my mental frame is now better????. whatever it is i will continue selagi berdaya 7 hours at night and 3 hours in the afternoon. thanks a million al-jabbar.

wonderful dr jism

you know, whoever is behind this dr jism, i heard it's a guy called en kamarulzaman, is a wonderful, great guy. with free theraphy at various outlets in malaysia, indonesia and brunei, he is giving hope to thousands and mind you, where there is hope, there is life god bless you en. kamasrulzaman. i , of course have an ulterior motive in writing all this, if he could just loan me the machine for a while, i am quietly confident that i should recover my walking to a reasonable extent, perhaps with a limp, inshaallah.

stroked - 4th anniversary - god's gift, syukur alhamdulillah

you know, this mind that god gifted us is amazing, just by convincing myself this morning that my stroke is god's gift, i am feeling buoyant all this morning. yes, it's been 4 years since i stroked. some might say" how time flies". i would only say wow!!!!. what a journey. it was a free gift from allah, if i may elucidate herewith:-

1). the agony- physical - yeah being disabled means i can't drive to anywhere, cannot amble at a reasonable clip around my land, can't write, can't perform acrobatic sexual needs. why even shitting is a torment.

but, mind you i am still breathing, alhamdulillah, other people now drive me so no worries about petrol, toll, road tax, vehicle maintainance and most crucially, traffic jams additionally, bless malaysians, everywhrere i go don't have to worry about parking , yes oku parking right at the front.. cannot amble, ok i am now forced to appreciate the beauty and intricacies of nature at every step, everything was new to me, even the much despised lallang. can't write, wow what a good excuse not to write anything, there is the pc keyboard anyway, can't perform , thats ok, i let my partner do the acrobatics and just lie on my back and shout ahhhhh. it's my turn to say it's too bigggg. shitting is now almost back to normal, once a week, every monday morning.

2). mental agony :- initially , it was a time of why me?? what have i done to deserve it???,
eventually, wow great, this is god's greatest gift, a reminder for me to alter my wayward ways, where others aspire to be more religious in later life and failed, i am forced to slow down and turn to allah, as thats my only salvation. so, friends, the mandatory prayers are now automatic to me. this affliction is also a cleanser of all my previous sins, inshaallah, heaven awaits me, with all those wonderful virgins and flowing rivers underneath the abode.

yes, i have had a free education, compliments of allah. it's all free , no charges, no 2 plus 1 or 3 plus 1,syukur alhamdulillah.ALLAHUAKBAR
watch out world, i will be back sooner than you think!!!!!



basck to my aspirations, in my previos adult .life, i was a closet socialist, inshaallah, this affliction has reminded me where my sentiments and conscience lies, my reason of living is to make a difference to all trhe small people using my super god given intwellect, ALLAHUAKBAR!!!!.


so, to end this wonderful expiatuion before i get carried away, again allahuakbar , to all the friends i have made in the last 4 years and those who have been there for me, most especially my wonderful sisters and brothers and not least my mother, i love you all and god bless you.

dr jism theraphy. - second night

last night was the second night i laid on the mattress, this time for 7 hours. strange is i don't feel anything, no tingling sensation, nothing. however, when i touched another person or one of my children, there us that spark crossing the gap between our fingers and when my leg touched the rim of the bed , there is that tingling sensation for a brief period.
i would like o think that when i lay on the mattress, there is this small army of static current waves in hard hats and safety vests hard at work chipping away at the plaque inhibiting my vessels and veins, it would be great if there is an equivalent to the mri machine taking an image of the chipping progress, that way one can estimate how long the chipping process will take. at the moment it's just relying on trust and belief in the principle of the matter, due to the lack of any other verifying methodology, perhaps the makers of dr jism can explore this, after all seeing is believing.thanks a million, anyway. btw, at the moment i have yet to feel any momentous difference, sabar saja ya.