no pain, no gain

whoever coined this saying must be a member of a family or village where there were a lot of people suffering various ailments and then had the privilege of observing family members or neighbour miraculously recovering after undergoing various stages of pain. nevertheless, he or she must be english , as the words are doubtlessly english. sorry-lah malay nationalist, next time maybe,
alhamdulillah, the left side of my tongue, which had remain dormant for 4 years, is currently in pain, there is an excruciating burning sensation which comes and goes., my , the pain, i am almost in tears.only sleep brings a welcome relief. what is happening??? could this be the beginning of the end of my stroke affliction??? could the cure be very slowly immersing itself into the left side of my body????. could the cure begins from the tongue, then travel downwards to my upper limb( hand) and then to my left leg. not entirely true, over the last 1 year, there has been this twitching sensation on the left side of my face which had been itching, which had been attributed to dry skin by my budding doctor son. ya allah, please let it be the oncoming of the cure,my fate is yours, i succumb to your succour, i redha to whatever you have in store for me, allahuakbar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

pouring rain at last

when i was a contractor, pouring rain signifies anguish frustration at the inability to execute the jobs in accordance with schedules. now, after a long continuous scorching hot period, the rain that came a pouring today, is a welcome sight and sound, man, my ponds need water, alhamdilillah to god's gift. let it pour!!!, let it pour!!!.
what a relief to the toiling farmer that a heavy rainpour brings, screw the contractors, it's a dead-end activity anyway. let them all abandon this hateful activity which only brings ravages to mother earth, breeds corruption and greed and untold misery to foreign workers, subcontractors, suppliers. there are other more rewarding ways to lead this life on earth.fellows, follow me to back to nature.

life

i have reason to be ponderous today as 2 things struck right at the epicentre of my being :-

1. are my enemies to be hated???
2. The pursuit of happiness???, efficiency or inefficiency

1. enemies, what is the definition of enemy??. isn't it someone who has caused harm to you??? or is it someone who is to all intent and purpose, out to destroy you???. basing on this assunption then mamak iqbal is my only enemy. my wife and her chemor friends are in a different category. they are not out to destroy me but perhaps they were just god's instruments in reshaping my decadent existence, the drinking, karaoke, gambling.ok, i can forgive the chemor bumpkins but my wife???, shouldn't the relationship be" in health and sickness??/."forgive and forget", yes i can and will forgive but forgetting is not possible, the loss of my company, breakup of the family and my stroke, these are real events that happened to me, not easily forgetten but it is my earnest desire to learn all the lessons and reshape my being, which brings us to the second issue

2. for most of my adult life, the pursuit of efficiency was paramount to my existence, efficiency to secure and execute one contract after another. so much so that time was really the only essential essence. in this pursuit, most of the simple fundamental tenets of life was thrown out and ignored, corruption and bribing was standard practice, instant gratification in the form of alcohol and easy sex was devoured without a second thought.inefficiency was looked down upon and made a mockery of. the malay mentality was despised and shunned. this morning, 2 simple incidents brought back to me the joy of simple things., firstly in the car sending my children to school, it took an eternity for my dear wife to sort out my youngest children's outing to the cinema this afternoon, she patiently go over the motion of booking the tickets much to my chagrin. i said to myself, hold on, why not just give them the bloody money to go and let them sort it out. then it struck me that the simple motion of ensuring the tickets were appropriately secured, would heighten the bond between parent and child. then 2 lovely young ladies came to our facility to undertake their art practical. no strutting about, just straight down to the simple expedient of their batik piece, that done, they proceeded to sit down facing each other and enjoy a very very simple morning snacks of some sort of fast food, no fuss about teh tarik, roti canai or nasi lemak, just happily munching away and talking about things in their life, nothing complicated or tiring about the shenanigans of our politicians. ya allah!!, a simple ritual of munching snacks after a job done. so simple !!!, not about how fast it took, or how many strokes involved or the cost of the whole exercise. inefficient, yes!!!1, yet so simple and simply satisfying. thank you girls, you have shown me the way. allahuakbar???.

lying low

considering all the shenanigans of our govt and it's instruments of terror and unfortunately also the lack of direction and confidence in it's alternative,pkr, its best to just lie low now and think of the hereafter where things should be more promising, inshaallah.

unusual tiredness - good news???

i am still feeling unusually tired and have completely missed sending my children to school in the morning. perplexed by this unusual condition my analysis is that it's all a good sign. i searched my brain but came up with nought, i have not done anything physically exhausting so why???. then i remembered reading somewhere that the brain is the most energy predator of all the body's organ. could it just be that part of my brain that was adversely affected by the stroke is at last waking-up as a result of better bloodflow resulting from the drjism theraphy, could it be??? , ya allah. i espoused this theory to my medical student son over kunch and he concurred that it's possible. so could this be te beginning of the end????, inshaallah, alhamdulillah, only time will tell, allahuakbar!!!

unusually tired, dah tua???

i have been feeling extraordinarily tired the last few days, as freddie mercury says" body aching all over" what could be the cause?, as i haven't been extraordinarily active considering my incapacity. has old age sets in???.death doesn't scare me, but having to lead an old invalided life does scare me, because it's such a pitiful existence, incontinence, memory loss, wearing pampers, teeth falling out, now i feel helpless, there's nobody to accompany me on this journey, my wife already gone into her own fantasy world, perhaps to escape the agony, that has always been her way, escape, run away, never one to face the inevitable, that's my dear wife. i can't!!, there's a lot of unfinished work, especially with regards to ensuring to a certain extent, that all my children have a secure footing to start their adult life.that's my goal and duty, inshaallah, ya allah, please give me the strength.

port dickson day trip

yresterday, i accompanied the boss to port dickson . she was on a sales trip to a school there, inshaallah there should be some good news sometime next week. the most memorable part was a most wonderful fish and chips lunch, the dory fish was absolutely succulent, at the regency resort.